You know OT/mommy, I am really great right now and I am ok with not knowing if that will change tomorrow or the next day. I guess after that convo and realizing that I did exactly what I SWORE I'd never do, which is go back to the "old" M, it feels like I have a new lease on life.
I guess I DID break things even though it seemed like they were fine, something that TERRIFIED me. Now, things are broken but at least I can see the cracks again instead of thinking they were completely repaired. IF things are repaired this time, I think it will be for good.
The really nice thing is that for at least today, I don't expect that to happen. I know it's ONE of the possibilities, the one I want the most, but only one of many that will all work out fine.
I keep saying "today" because I have no expectations about tomorrow anymore. I don't know if W will move out, ML to me, or just "be" and I am no longer afraid OR happy about the unknown. I just accept it...for today.
Thanks again for checking in on me OT. I still credit you with a lot of my progress, even if I don't 100% agree with all your advice. Without you in the later stages of this thing, I would have been really close to lost.
