Thank you Jack. I'm glad to have helped in some way.
I think it's important for me to continue to stress that at this point, I am almost totally without anger towards my W. I don't blame her for my feelings nor do I condemn her for hers. I simply refuse to hold on anymore. That doesn't mean I can't be in the same room as her, or touch her in some ways. What it means is that I no longer think of her as someone who WILL eventually come around. I have dropped the idea that just because I changed, it means she will too. I now understand that though I will continue to DB my arse off, it HAS to be for me now, like I can admit it never really was all this time. It was for her and the other night when she "pulled the rug" out from under me, I realized just how comfortable I got living my life based on HER reactions...especially since her reactions had been so good for so long.
I don't look to her for validation. I don't look to her for reciprocation. I don't look to her for anything. I look towards myself alone to fill my needs and someday there may come a point where I will have to do that elsewhere, but that day is not today and more than ever, I am good with that no matter what anyone else thinks.
