GH, hugs to you. You have been really putting forth a lot of effort and ignoring a lot of frustration you felt, I'm so sorry that you are in this spot now. You posted a lot of things, and as usual are really good at the self analysis, but one thing that stuck out for me, that I have to comment on was your post about feeling like a fraud, that your changes are not genuine. We've discussed this before, and I know I have felt the same way. The changes we are all trying to make in ourselves take time, apparently longer than it may take for our spouses to pull their heads out, in a way it's like practice, we can't expect to drop all of our negative communication styles and habits in a year, or less. Be proud that you recognize where you need development, and as long as you are conscious of that, I think you're in a good place (emotional pain not withstanding).
You can't beat yourself up for "reverseDB-ing" in such a conversation. Maybe, regardless of results or outcome, it is a good thing for your W to see some raw honest emotion. That is not from a book, it's real.
Anyway, again, our sitches our similiar. They can't fathom a divorce, but want to explore their other feelings as well. I agree with RBinBR. For a woman, at least me and it sounds like maybe your wife too, you gotta stand up for yourself. Decide your boundaries and stick to them, this does not mean to be cruel or cold, but she doesn't sound like she's facing reality at all. (Yes, I realize I give advice I don't necessarily follow).
Take your break from the boards. I have been too. You know what to do, you said it, take care of yourself, love your boys, you'll figure it out.
Hope I made sense. I feel out of synch with posting, it's been a few!
