I've been following along when I can. Couple thoughts from a "martian".
First, I think you are being too tough on yourself. I guess as you notice that you are doing things that don't improve your sitch, I certainly hope that you seek ways to change that behaviour. Your H won't change - it has to be in us. And can be done.
Second, I like the thought you have of being the "girlfriend" - good one.
Third, some suggested reading if you have not already - I'd suggest For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn. It is a quick read and based on men's feedback. From a man's perspective, we seek "significance" - we need to feel as if we are our woman's hero in every way. When that is neglected, we look elsewhere for it. In the end, we are simple creatures. At the same time, physical stuff isn't always about the act - again, there is a need to feel a connection to our partner.
Anyway, a couple thoughts, hope they help in some way.
Sven
Never sacrifice the great for the good. Sometimes the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair.
