Well I have left the OW. I do think about her and miss her, but I try to either associate the negative that will come about either in her personality or b/c of a divorce. Plus I do not love my wife and never have, but she does have positive attributes. I try to think of those and the good times we have had together.
It's funny I actually began reading one of the books that I have seen recommended for you. While reading it, I felt even more "love" for the OW. I quit reading the book.
I too had a honest true love prior to my marriage. I thought about her constantly. I think that was another thing that put a barrier in my marriage. Instead of choosing and learning to love my wife, I was comparing her and thinking about my old flame. It took me nine years to get past that.
Have you ever read the book "As a Man Thinketh". Basically it says you are what you think and dwell on. It's basic premise is cognitive reconstruction. It is a short book and a good read.
That's really my only advice, you will stay in the area of limbo until you choose to think about your future with your husband and not the OM. Don't think "I'm stuck with someone I don't love" Think about the good things he does, the good times y'all shared. When you do think about the OM, think about the hurt it will bring. If you really honestly do love the OM, and you may, why would you want to hurt all the lives around him? It' not just your life this will effect, it's his too. The divorce will effect people you do not even know. Isn't true love about sacrifice?
