Quote: I'm trying to stay objective . . BUT I honestly don't know what I should be doing? DO I give him ultimatums? (I.E. We can only get back together if you do X . . . ) I don't know . . WOW . . . soooo confused.
Emily,
I am going to discount what you posted after this and hopefully give you something to print out and hang next to the phone so next time he does an about-face, you "know what to do".
What you do is NOT give him ultimatums or anything of the sort. You simply...here we go, ready for THIS again... DECIDE WHAT YOU WANT then establish boundaries FOR YOU that govern YOUR actions in the event that he does xxxxx.
SO, for example, let's say you want to let the abusive SOB back in the house. You could establish a BOUNDARY that IF he contacts OM (and don't snoop to find this out) or somehow continues the affair, you will ask him to leave and begin the D process the next day. THEN STICK TO YOUR BOUNDARY!
This is different from an ultimatum because you are just telling him what you'll do if he makes certain decisions. You are not telling him what to do, or not do, just what YOU will do. He's a big boy, and at that point, it's up to him to decide how he's going to be.
Oh, and BTW, I won't say EVERYONE told ya so about that tear-filled BS from the other night... ok, I just did. See Emily, we've all either seen it happen in other sitches, or our own. Your life, at least THIS part of it, is nothing new for us. Please listen when we try to tell you what will likely happen. We are not trying to be negative, just to help.
