Ok . . I've been doing some thinking (dangerous I know) . . .
RB (who I am sooo sorry to . . for frustraighting soo badly after he took all the time to read my entire sitch and try to help me. I am hard headed and I have to come around to my decision . . I don't take advice well. It does sink in though eventually) . . . anywho He said something (I tried to go back and find the post and couldn't) about how this isn't about blame and I just didn't understand that. True I didn't. In the Dbing book I think it says something about when you point your finger at someone three are pointing back at you.
I do understand . . . I understand back almost a year ago I was contributing to all the things that made my marriage fall apart back in Decemeber . . .cause lets face the facts folks. That's how long my H has been gone from this M. I was letting it limp along trying to look for good things . . .and he was totally unhappy and yet he felt the need to stay (obligation maybe?) and "lead me on" while making a new life with another woman. It's hard to look back and see where anything went really wrong, I always want to blame it on our circumstances . . . By being here and getting shaken and stirred up . . . you've help me to see the things I need to work on. I'm still unsure how . . . I don't feel ready to 100% devote myself to the task of sorting through my baggage. Right now I am just trying to get by day to day to day. . . and keep my peace. Get back in touch with God . . . and back in touch with Emily.
