You might want to call them ahead of time to set an appointment to talk to someone. There is probably a wait before you can get in but they may send you their paperwork up front.
Well church was nice . . then we went and had subs at a little local store and visited with another friend. Pleasant. Tonight my parents are going to watch Felina and the other Emily and I are going to go to Target. It just opened today so it'll probably be CRAZY . . but hey it'll be interesting.
I don't feel any great sense of relief today. I still have a strange peace (well strange to me) about everything . . . I know I can't change anything but myself. I do not see my marriage to Kevin ever working as anything again. But I understand now that I can grow and learn and be the best for my kids and someday another man.
I am sad for the loss . . . but I know I am better off.
GH notice how much nicer my buts have become? LOL . . . sounds strange huh! My buts are more positive. . .
I'm unsure if I'm really making progress although I feel that I am.
I still sometimes want to try to make sense of the whole sitch but I just tell myself there is no point . . I can't ever know what he was thinking. So . . I just try to let go and change the subject in my mind . . . which I am getting better at.
Ok . . I've been doing some thinking (dangerous I know) . . .
RB (who I am sooo sorry to . . for frustraighting soo badly after he took all the time to read my entire sitch and try to help me. I am hard headed and I have to come around to my decision . . I don't take advice well. It does sink in though eventually) . . . anywho He said something (I tried to go back and find the post and couldn't) about how this isn't about blame and I just didn't understand that. True I didn't. In the Dbing book I think it says something about when you point your finger at someone three are pointing back at you.
I do understand . . . I understand back almost a year ago I was contributing to all the things that made my marriage fall apart back in Decemeber . . .cause lets face the facts folks. That's how long my H has been gone from this M. I was letting it limp along trying to look for good things . . .and he was totally unhappy and yet he felt the need to stay (obligation maybe?) and "lead me on" while making a new life with another woman. It's hard to look back and see where anything went really wrong, I always want to blame it on our circumstances . . . By being here and getting shaken and stirred up . . . you've help me to see the things I need to work on. I'm still unsure how . . . I don't feel ready to 100% devote myself to the task of sorting through my baggage. Right now I am just trying to get by day to day to day. . . and keep my peace. Get back in touch with God . . . and back in touch with Emily.
You are doing fine for the point that you are now at. You have sounded better yesterday and today than you did all last week. You have to start somewhere, at some point. Today is as good a day as any.
You WILL have to address your own issues. You DON'T have to do it all rightnow. But be aware of yourself, your thought patterns and your knee-jerk reactions. Being aware of what you do that is wrong, or even just emotionally unhealthy, is the first step to changing. And also, to growing up.
I had a BLAST tonight. . . . I felt like the old Emily was coming back. I felt good. . . no more of that "seeing the OW in everyone" and worrying that I am ugly and unwanted. I just went out (only to Target mind you) and didn't care! We had a BLAST with the sunglasses. You can imagine.
I'm not having a hard time wishing he'd come back or anything . . . now though I seem to be rehashing things to figure out if he ment them or not over the past 7 months. I just try to stop myself . . and tell myself it's pointless to think about it.
It doesn't matter anymore. It still hurts that I was that lied to. Did he do it just to see his daughter get born? Who knows? I never wanted him to lie to me . . . I always wanted the truth . . . was I that unapproachable? Who knows? Not me . .
OK that's the thought process . . I'm not obsessing over it . . It's just knocking around my head a little bit.
You have no idea how proud I am of you,, you are doing so well. I love how your spirit is really starting to shine. Thanks for checking on me it means sooooo much to me. You are very lucky to have Amy help you with all the legal stuff too. She is one smart woman. So anyway Emily...
Quote: God has blessed me with a spirit you cannot break
he has blessed you too,, keep that in your heart wherever you go. YOU are a beautiful woman you just dont know it yet. Watch out world when you see this cause you are gonna shine. God bless you sweetie,,, you will succeed.
I will continue to shine and be radiant for myself Thank you Alimari!
My H just called . . he's crying and upset. Says he just doesn't want to hurt anyone. . . I think he'd love to come back to me but doesn't want to hurt her. He's as much as said that. UGH . . I don't know what to do. Sit on the side lines and watch it play out. He said he wouldn't be getting remarried . . not after how badly he's screwed us up. I don't know what to think. He's going to call me again later . . . Hope all goes well. Any advice on how to proceed here?
Emily, please forgive me but I didn't read the last couple days posts so I may be on a different page but...
Quote: I don't know what to do. Sit on the side lines and watch it play out. He said he wouldn't be getting remarried . . not after how badly he's screwed us up. I don't know what to think. He's going to call me again later . . . Hope all goes well.
Um, weren't you the woman who didn't want him back no matter what now? He calls, cries and now things are to the point where you "hope things go well"? Things like custody arrangments, etc, or things like him getting back with you?
My advice is the same as it always is. Don't believe today's story. Tomorrow's will be different. That's not to say he's not going to try to come home, but don't believe it until it happens and even then, it will still be rough sailing.
Oh, and BTW, weren't you the one saying he hit you, etc? Um... Guess crying works for him. I'm not trying to be a di-k here but I worry about you Emily. I worry about someone who paints their H as an abusive man who MAY try to harm his own kids and then is ready, at the drop of the hat, to let him come home.
