I really do feel better. I keep wishing that the phone would ring and it would be him. That way he would now that he is not holding me down or back. It'll take me longer to do some of the things I want to do because there's not another person who can go out and work full time. . . . . . BUT I will do it!
I know that sense of accomplishment will really make me feel good. I just broke down today when Felina fell asleep in my lap and Kiya was sitting across the room from me in her swing . . I broke down bawling and just told God I was sooo sorry for all of this and that I really wanted him to help me repair myself for my girls. I am willing to do ANYTHING for these girls.
I've been grooving to my "break up" music.
"I will Survive" - Cake "So Sick of You" - GWAR "Hit The Road Jack" - Ray Charles
. . . Stuff like that! Makes me feel MUCH better.
They are both dirt and I am trying to clean them out of my brain . . it's like getting sand in your swimming suit . . . it's hard to get every last grain out! Slowly though . . . SLOWLY . . no need to rush. I've seen how fast my H does ANYTHING that requires him to work at something . . . the D could be a long time in the making. I will NOT help him with it either . . . he's on his own.
I know that I should just pack up the rest of his stuff and throw it in the dumpster . . . but I just don't want to. Some of the shirts I am keeping because I like to wear them. Other stuff I just want to keep (is that weird) like an awesome pair of Hot Topic pants he bought on our honeymoon . . . why throw out all the memories??!?!?! Everything else I will throw out! He said he took everything he wants. Good for him. . . I get the rest and what he left that I don't want . . I'll pitch.
I'm a little angry that I have to change Kiya's announcements . . after all I put his name on them because I thought he was sticking around . . They are not going ANYWHERE with his name on them now. We are not a "family" as it is . . . so I am not sending them saying "And the Proud Family is:" . . . NOPE!
It really bothers me that he is getting remarried. REALLY bothers me . . . I cannot come to terms with that. I can't find peace about it. Any advice on that? I mean what the heck do I tell myself? It makes me feel like the lowest peice of crap on the planet . . that he's Ding me just to get remarried. ARG . . my PMA has been good . . . and that's the thorn in my mind!
