Emily, you are a strong and wonderful woman. Don't let the circumstances that happen around you make you out to be something your not. I can understand the pain your in and know why you have a hard time focusing on issues that are out of your control. That is all part of this weird process.
Just try to focus on those things that you can influence and change. I know it is hard, but you have to let go of those things that are out of your control. I know you know that, but you need to make a conscious decision to do that. You're going to get to that point sooner or later just hang in there. I know it is stupid (and everyone says this) but time does (to a certain degree) heal all wounds.
"Our life is what our thoughts make it."
Marcus Aurelius
