I know that I came here looking to save my marriage. My marriage is over now (maybe not in the eyes of the court system) but in every other way. My marriage is over. It's not about saving my marriage anymore . . . it's about saving me.
I am proud of myself. I was thinking about this, this morning:
When he left in May I didn't sleep for DAYS . . or eat anything . . I couldn't stand being by myself . . . I couldn't stand being in my apartment because "everything reminded me of him".
I do still think about him a lot because stupid stuff reminds me of him. Yes I still hurt and I do cry. But I'm not panicked and scared like I was the lasttime. I'm not upset so much that marriage is over more that he moved on so fast. That's what hurts me MORE. Last time he left . . sure I was horrified that he would be with OW . . . I let her walk with all day *Alimari understands this fully . . she's the one that first helped me understand how to voice it* . . . I took her to bed with me at night and woke up beside her in the morning.
She is no where in my thoughts now. Every now and then I get a twinge of pain because I want to know what makes her better than me. (I always thought I was prettier anyway).
This time it's so different . . . I am processing it better . . maybe? So now I just have new things to freak out about . . . I.E.: Custody!
Well I watched that movie . . it was good! It made cry just because it's about relationships . . but it was still good!
