The point is that you don't know what Kevin is thinking or feeling!! You choose to believe the worst in every situation. I used to do that too, but now i choose to find the positive side in every situation. After a while your whole attitude will change and you won't even need to try and think of something positive it will just happen. You have yet to make any clear changes in your behavior, actions and words. If you remember clearly disregard at least 50% of what our spouses say, they are just as confused as us. Emily your family will learn to value your opinion and decisions if you start to stand up for yourself and they are able to see positive changes within you. But, once again it is up to you and only you.
emily: i have not posted to you because i see you not listening to anyone here. i will give you my advice of what i think, and you will not listen to me either but i will give it to you anyway. 1)your husband was trying to work out his m with you, but you keep throwing his Affair up in his face and he got sick of it. i asked you last week how you would feel if HE did not want to work out your marriage and you didnt respond. well i guess i know your answer now, because he is angry that he tried and you would not let him work it out, so he went back to ow, who by the way is nice and caring to him. im sorry but YOU pushed him back to her arms. 2)you say all kinds of things about what other people are telling you, family, husband, friends, everybody in your life. WHAT DOES EMILY WANT!! does she want to be bitter, depressed, pissed, or does she really only want to be happy? emily you make that happen, only you. 3)it sounds like your husband has had many issues with you over the years, WHY, you need to look inside yourself and figure that out, do you think he plained on being that way when he said i do to you. im not saying this is all your fault, but find out what fault you played and fix it. your h is messed up, let him work on his issues, let him go, in a loving maner. love your friends and family, but love your ememys more. 4)do you want to go thru this pain again? if you dont fix yourself, then you will find another man and let him do all these things to you again and the saga continues. you sound like the type of person that is very needdy, and if you dont get it you lash out, you will be divorced many times, until you change. emily listen to people who are or have been thru what you are going thru right now, you love your husband, and be honest if he came home right now and told you he loved you and wanted to be with you forever, YOU WOULD TAKE HIM BACK IN A HEART BEAT. change yourself, and maybe he will notice, or atleast you will find someone else in the future and could live a happy life with them, or dont change get divorced and remarry, get divorce and remarry ,ect,ect,ect, how many do you want to go thru before you wake up and change yourself and get what you want?
If you can get your license and somehow get yourself something to drive, then you will eliminate the need to rely on your parents to drive you around.
Once you eliminate THAT, the only thing left to overcome will be your fear of telling them you are a grown woman and that while you appreciate their help and advice, you will not now or ever again, be doing what they say you should do, just because they said to do it.
Emily just a little while ago you were on a rant about Kevin not seeing his children. You flip-flop so much its hard to know what you are really thinking. By you taking the high road will make things much easier on you and the girls. In no way am I here to bash you as a human being, but only to share I can only imagine what you are going through. Let me tell you I caused a lot of harm to my marriage during the beginning of our separation and as we all have, we want to save you from our mistakes. Emily we all care about you, we all have a unique connection because of our pain and our situations.
Amy you are very right. I do plan on getting my license . . I keep saying this . . I am just waiting on getting my social security card . . so that I can get my permit. I know now I should be forcing myself to work harder at going out and getting things done . . . but I don't feel like it (tongue lashing coming here . . I can feel it). I don't want to miserable forever definately not. Give me a few days and I'll start up work again.
Quote: 1)your husband was trying to work out his m with you, but you keep throwing his Affair up in his face and he got sick of it. i asked you last week how you would feel if HE did not want to work out your marriage and you didnt respond. well i guess i know your answer now, because he is angry that he tried and you would not let him work it out, so he went back to ow, who by the way is nice and caring to him. im sorry but YOU pushed him back to her arms.
Thanks shippd . . . the only untruth in this is that he NEVER actually left her arms. He kept us both hanging. . . maybe he was going to try and come back and leave her. But he never left the affair . . . so how did I push him back into something he never left? Also . . now that he's left me for her . . how do I ever have hope that he'll come back????
Emily doesn't know what she wants . . . I'm sooooooooo confused. I know that I don't want to be miserable and bitter and keep repeating this cycle. I just don't exactly know how to end it. Does that come with ending my marriage and standing on my own two legs. Or do I hang . . . I don't know what to do.
I did yesterday . . talk about not letting him see them AT ALL.
Now it is merely I don't want him coming to MY home to do so. I believe earlier I said about meeting him at the park and taking a friend with me, or telling him he can meet us all over at my parents house so he can see them. Those types of things. I am not trying to take away his visitation rights. Not at all. I am worried that after the D and everything he will get joint custody and take them down (4 hours away from me almost) to someone elses house (we haven't had our own place to live in OVER 2 years now) I am living by myself now and have been for quite sometime. But he is contented to live with other people. I don't want girls staying in some persons basement . . dealing with a whole bunch of different people and oh I don't know. I don't think he's grown up enough to have kids by himself. He'd rather be free to go whenever he wants.
I've cooled off enough I think that I am not trying to use them against him. I'm just REALLY worried about him have joint custody (and PA is I guess a BIG joint custody state) . . I'm worried about the places he would take them to stay.
I need to stop talking about it and worrying about it. I can cross that bridge when it comes!
emily: im sorry to inform you, but YOU do know what to do, WE have all gave you advice on what to do, yea you should take alittle from me, amy, gh, and everyone else in here and make up YOU own mind on to what that is you need to do. emily you are young, smart, attractive, a mother, and yes as of this moment you are a wife, so do what you need to do. drop all your weapons towards your h, do not fight with him anymore, even if he tries, and DO NOT dangle your kids in front of him. let them get there own oppion of him in there own way.
Emily, Amy C has told you as well as others that there is no need to look so far into the future. Especially when you have so much to work on right NOW. You need to think about today and what you need to do for now not months down the road. Make a list of what you can do for you and your babies right now. Do you really think anyone in their right mind would give Kevin custody? He would be on the road all of the time, etc. You need to watch what you do and say too. Your actions and words could have a way of coming back to haunt you. Becareful what you say around the kids, to your family and to Kevin.
Quote: Make a list of what you can do for you and your babies right now. Do you really think anyone in their right mind would give Kevin custody? He would be on the road all of the time, etc
I know they won't give him full custody. I've had the kids and they don't like to move kids around too much in this state UNLESS there is serious problem (drugs abuse etc). I am worrying too far down the line. I am really worried about him trying to make them call the OW mom. They wouldn't see her only 4 days a month and no one could EVER take the place of me (who they live with ALL the time). . but that would be confusing for them. If down the line they came to like her and call her something other than her name . . fine . . but I'm worried he would force it.
God they are so little to have to go through something like this. For peat sake my H had let his hair grow for awhile and then between his last visit he shaved his head back down . . and Felina didn't recognize him. She ran away from him . . . How confusing for her. She can't even spend the night away or she doesn't sleep and she won't nap. She's used to our routine.
I understand he needs to see them . . but making kids this young live in two places seems crazy. Especially when he doesn't have his own place and all that crap.
OK . . I'm done talking about that now. I am worry too far down the line.
Get ready to yell at me.
I called and left him a message saying I was sorry for the things that I did. I told him if he started to miss the girls I could figure out away for him to see them on his way through . . I told him maybe I could arrange for him to see them at his Grandma's or something and he wouldn't have to see me if he didn't want to. I told him I was proud of him for what he is doing with his life . . and that I would love it if he would allow me to be part of his life as a friend at least.
That will give him something to think about. I will not call again. I just wanted him to hear those things. I wanted him to know that I am not a total B*tch. I wish he would come back and try at this marriage. I understand why he doesn't want to. The only time he ever came up to visit and wasn't with the OW was the time that I was in labor . . . I was totally out of it that time. Then he went back down and started back up their relationship. OH MY . . . It's all so confusing. . . and him going back to her is my fault. I don't appreciate him when he is trying . . . when I have him . . . and when I don't I want him back. He does the same thing with me.
I wish I could be the one to make him happy . . not her.
That said . . I have to figure out what to do with myself.
I have things that I am planning:
* Finish that schooling * I applied for a job at the high school --apply for other jobs as well (as they come I'll apply) * Get my license * Buy a car with next year tax return (it'll be a clunker but it'll get me around) * Stay close to my friends (I often push them aside to deal with Kev more. I will not do that in any relationship)
* I would put something about dating in here . . but it seems too soon. I am open to the idea though . . is that wrong?
