Quote: That's pathetic, Emily, asking if we want to sit around and cry all day. How dare you?!
You took that the wrong way. I was just trying to explain to you that this is the only way I know how to deal and get through this stuff.
Honestly would I like my H to have choosen me? Would I like to still be with him? YES . . very much so. BUT . . . that hurts too much. It hurts too much that I LOVE HIM sooo much and he hates me and is marrying someone else. If I don't get over the fact that I love him . . then I'll be miserable for the rest of my life. I am trying to move on. Trying to convince myself that I don't love him . .and I don't want to be with him. Right now in my anger . . I do want the marriage to be over. I want him out of my life. He doesn't want to be with me . . . why should I keep hanging on and hurt myself.
You always say that happiness is a choice . . . I am trying to choose happiness . . by choosing to walk away from my H now. If I hang on I'll be miserable longer (because he doesn't want to be with me)
I'm sorry RB that I don't perfectly model the Christian lifestyle. I'm trying . . . but I do fade in and out. I know that's not right.
It's truly odd because the night before my H kicked me out in Dec I prayed to God and told him to take over and show me what needed to happen for my life to be OK . . because my marriage wasn't and I was pregnant . . . etc. THE NEXT DAY MY H SENT ME PACKING . .
I've fought it this long . . . and I'm starting to feel like I've been fighting the path that God was trying to show me. I feel like maybe he was showing me that the best path for me was by myself or at least away from Kevin. I've been resisting God's plan.
Maybe now I shouldn't be saying "I would never take Kevin back" but . . why should I?? So he can walk out again. It would be foolish of me. It was foolish of me a week ago . . to want him back the way I did. Sure I still have to find forgiveness . . . but it was foolish of me to think that this R would work after him being with someone else. (He always said that he could NEVER ML with a girl without being with her . . .he's too nice for that. I should have known there was more to this relationship.)
I see things in their R (from talking to the OW) where it seems that he is almost trying to make it like me. Almost like he wants it to mirror us so he doesn't have to miss me. Maybe that's me hoping that he did love me at some point and hoping that some day he'll miss me even just a little.
