I would tell them that I am nervious about his temper . . everyone see that. I just finally wanted to tell someone thst he's hit me before. I ALWAYS covered it up . . . of the dog head butted me screwing around . . . . etc etc. I just wanted to have it out. I just wanted the truth to be known . . . then maybe if I even think of letting him back you all will tell me I'm being a freakin idiot.
I wouldn't try to tell the courts about the incidents . . . only that he has a bad temper etc.
Thank you Amy for your wise advice on the custody. He does want custody. . . he knows they are the only thing that I have left. They are the only thing that would absoluetly kill me to have taken.
I hope the courts are smart enough to see the situation for what it is and give him visitation instead of joint custody. He doesn't have an apartment (plans on staying with the OW while he is "home") He mother is bi-polar something . . . she's on meds and frequently has "freak outs" where her meds are off. I wouldn't want my girls around that either. Again not really my decision to make. I JUST HOPE THE COURTS SEE ALL OF THIS...
Quote: You'd really better take a long, hard look in the mirror before you attempt to do that because he will drag every skeleton you have into court to fight you.
He's used me as a crutch for the past 7 months so that he could make sure the OW wanted him . . now that they have marriage plans he's done with me. He's had his cake and eaten it too. Now he wants the ONE GOOD THING I have left. He wants the only reason I get out of bed . . . The only reason I have half a leg . . and part of a brain left to stand on. HE WANTS MY GIRLS . .
I think he'd better check his closet long and hard . . . and be VERY afraid. VERY VERY afraid. I am trying to help him . . . I'd like him to have visitation . . if he agrees to that now . . I won't have to fight him tooth and nail for the girls. Once he gets stable he can appeal it and maybe get joint custody. But I think he's going to make me fight this out.
Just to be clear, it's pure BS for either of you to use the kids against the other. Him doing it is no better.
I know in my sitch, the mere MENTION to my W that the courts would possibly (I have NO idea if this could happen) give me 60-40 custody or even somehow FULL custody made her break down into a trembling mass of humanity. I may not have meant to, but in telling her that, I was using the kids to get to her. I was wrong to do that and immediatly told her so. Your H is wrong to do it. You are wrong to do it. Those girls have a right to see BOTH of you unless, as you suggest, he would be abusive and then it's whole different story.
Emily, stop. You are planning a fight where so far, there has only been words spoken between the two of you.
I'm telling you, this guy is NOT AT ALL LIKELY to get custody of your kids. He has NO HOME, is in an adulterous affair and has a job that keeps him on the road.
Call legal aid if he kicks up a fuss. But you also can go ahead and file for custody yourself if you want to..... BUT Emily, he's blowing smoke up your butt.
How often has he even called to check on the girls?
Did he bring diapers or formula for Kiya either time he visited?
Quote: How often has he even called to check on the girls?
He won't ever call me again now.
Did he bring diapers or formula for Kiya either time he visited? He's NEVER bought Kiya ANYTHING.
Did he buy anything or give you any cash?
Hell NO
How often did he see Felina after he left you? He came up every other weeks most times. Sure seemed like he was coming to see me . . . he doesn't do ANYTHING with the kids.
He's changed maybe MAYBE 3 diapers (all Felina's) in the 2 years she's been alive.
Amy I went to that site and looked. I'll discuss it with my parents later . . see what they think! Thanks for the site!!
Ok . . . there have been numerous occassions that he has hit me (bruised the entire side of my face) . . . or he has choked me . . .thrown me on the floor . . etc. We had a dog once and she wouldn't go where he wanted her to and he threw her out the door and broke her leg.
I just finally wanted to tell someone thst he's hit me before. I ALWAYS covered it up . . . of the dog head butted me screwing around . . . . etc etc. I just wanted to have it out. I just wanted the truth to be known . . . then maybe if I even think of letting him back you all will tell me I'm being a freakin idiot.
I have to start telling the whole truth somewhere. I figured I'd start here and slowly work out to my friends and family.
Now that it's over . . . and no one will hate for staying with him (as it's not an option) I feel that I am to tell people the whole truth about our relationship.
When it first started (Novemeber of 2003) I tried to reach out to some people and they just blew me off with things like, "Kevin would never do that . . " etc. I guess I should have went to them when the bruises where still on my face.
I had just started a job at K-Mart . . . as a cashier and I was mortified when a total stranger walked up and said, "Any man that does that isn't a real man . . leave the bastard." I just laughed and gave my bullshit story about having a big dog and her being a little too hyper .. . etc.
That's the whole truth RB. . . I am worried about the way he'll treat them (I never thought he'd hit me but I don't think he'd do it to them) but I just honestly wanted to tell SOMEONE that he hasn't always been the nicest to me!
Quote: I just honestly wanted to tell SOMEONE that he hasn't always been the nicest to me!
My only question about this topic is how frequent did you guys have physical altercations? It's important to be very careful that you classify these incidents properly.
Once you start down the 'abusive husband' path you will start a process that will take over your life and you will not be able to stop it.
I have NO DOUBT that the things you have mentioned really happened. None. He sounds like someone who has some anger management issues. Given the things you guys have gone through recently and the fact that you haven't said that he has been abusive during his last visit implies to me that it is not 'normal' for him to do these things, that they are exceptions. And during the last visit you guys were pretty angry at each other.
Please, be clear on this. I know men who have been unfairly labeled as 'wife batterers' and kept away from their kids. I don't think the incidents you mention are right for him to do and I want to make sure you do what's best for you to take care of yourself.
If this has been a 'pattern' then please let someone know. If it is 'rare' then also let someone know and be clear it is rare. I've seen courts tear apart a family when the problem could be fixed with anger management and other counseling.
Kids need their father in their lives, even if it's just 'a little' as it seems like it will be right now.
Please Please Please make sure you take care of yourself. Whatever you do from this point forward is going to affect you for the next 20 years. He will always be your kids father and you will see him and interact with him because of that.
