Before I even read those post . . I wanted to come tell you about what just happened.
I got on MY myspace page . . . and . . . there was a message from this chick saying, "let Kevin alone he's with a women that he loves more than he ever loved you . . etc"
then I went and peeked at his page and . . . there's a comment from that same chick saying "life isn't so hard with cassie around."
Today is a worse day!
Now I'm going to go read what RB had posted!!
Thanks RB . . . . although I guess now I have to start wondering if he "loved her" . . . if the R was more serious than he said . . and if it's still going on.
The same thing we've been telling you for the last several dozen posts...nothing, or nothing in terms of him. You realize you can't DO anything, you don't CONTROL anything and you move on, choosing to drop all the drama and start living your own life. You are clinging on, with every dramatic line of every dramatic post, to something that DOES NOT EXIST but in your head.
Does that mean there is no hope? Yes, I think it does, but let me be clear, I think there is almost NO hope that things will just "work out" as I think you would like them to. I think without significant changes in you to shore up your self-esteem and move away from your drama addiction, you are likely to continue some of the self-destructive cycles you seem to be unable to break free of.
There is really nothing more to say. Who cares if he loved her? Who cares about any of it? What does each level of this hell you are allowing yourself to descend to do for you? Does it bring you closer to making a decision for yourself? I think not. Does it help you get closer to having him back in your life? I think not. Does it make you happy? Hell no. So why do you continue to dwell in hell?
I think I know why. It's the only thing that feels framiliar to you and you are clinging to it like a shipwrecked maiden clings to a battered piece of deck plank. The sad part about it is she doesn't realize that the ship sank in 4 feet of fresh water and if she'd just put her feet down she could walk to shore. Too bad she's afraid of the sharks that only exist in her mind and of the drowning that will never happen unless she never tries to touch bottom.
Put your feet down Emily, touch bottom and start walking. We're waiting for you on the beach.
Secondly, as I suggested before, it makes a lot of sense to simply say that you're going to take a two-month break from seeing or talking to each other. That has a lot less finality to it than telling each other than you're "leaving".
Also, you need to kill your MySpace habit right now. What the he!! do you expect to read there, anyway? I know it's public, but it's really the same thing as snooping.
The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth." (Psalm 145:18)
She gets all that baggage that comes along with him.
Let him say he's gone to be with her, Emily. Who gives a rat's ass? You need to take care of these issues that YOU have because your daughters deserve to have at least one mature, stable parent. You need to tighten up, straighten up and grow up.
Should he ever decide to do the same, maybe you will let him come back into YOUR life...MAYBE.
But for now at least, good riddance. He is dysfunctional. He is a liar, a cheat and not even half the man those girls need to be their Daddy.
I'm sorry that you are hurting. But I only see this as a blessing for you. With him, you will never demand more of yourself than pacifying him would require.
So where do you want to go on this first day of the rest of your life, Emily?
Oh! And back to bed to pull the covers up over your eyes is NOT an option.
Quote: got on MY myspace page . . . and . . . there was a message from this chick saying, "let Kevin alone he's with a women that he loves more than he ever loved you . . etc"
Just let me clarify here . . that I asked this "Karen" chick a question about Cassie calling me . . . and this is what she replied with . . .
Quote: why should i have her call you when she hates you she not going to call you even if i tell her to i think the olny reson why kevin wrote that blog is cuz he "MISSED YOU" and he want to see his kids!! give the guy a brack he dose not want to be with you that why he is going to file for devorce the papers are in his car!!! and if cassie dose call you all that going to do is make her mad and her and kevin will fight and they dont do that
OH my guys Don't worry I am not going to be messaging anyone on myspace except my real friends (it's how me and all my girlfriends keep in touch.)
Sorry to be blunt, and maybe that's my own sitch affectinhg my ability to watch other people stay stuck, but the answers you are looking for have not changed since they were first presented to you by many people...several times now. Until you actually DO some of the things suggested as "first steps", you probably won't make much progress.
I think you CAN do these things, it's just wether you WANT to or not. I really do think it's as simple as that Emily, I really do. I am thinking of you.
