The same thing we've been telling you for the last several dozen posts...nothing, or nothing in terms of him. You realize you can't DO anything, you don't CONTROL anything and you move on, choosing to drop all the drama and start living your own life. You are clinging on, with every dramatic line of every dramatic post, to something that DOES NOT EXIST but in your head.
Does that mean there is no hope? Yes, I think it does, but let me be clear, I think there is almost NO hope that things will just "work out" as I think you would like them to. I think without significant changes in you to shore up your self-esteem and move away from your drama addiction, you are likely to continue some of the self-destructive cycles you seem to be unable to break free of.
There is really nothing more to say. Who cares if he loved her? Who cares about any of it? What does each level of this hell you are allowing yourself to descend to do for you? Does it bring you closer to making a decision for yourself? I think not. Does it help you get closer to having him back in your life? I think not. Does it make you happy? Hell no. So why do you continue to dwell in hell?
I think I know why. It's the only thing that feels framiliar to you and you are clinging to it like a shipwrecked maiden clings to a battered piece of deck plank. The sad part about it is she doesn't realize that the ship sank in 4 feet of fresh water and if she'd just put her feet down she could walk to shore. Too bad she's afraid of the sharks that only exist in her mind and of the drowning that will never happen unless she never tries to touch bottom.
Put your feet down Emily, touch bottom and start walking. We're waiting for you on the beach.
