Quote: I guess I just wanted to believe all the stuff he told me. He didn't enjoy all the lying that was involved with cheating. He wouldn't just sleep with any random women (I.E. a lot lizard.) Those types of things.
So, why can't you still believe him? These seem like pretty honest feelings he has shared.
Quote: So whether I like it or not my M is over???
Your marriage, as it was, is over. All of our marriages were 'over' when we found our way to these boards.
Whatever happens next will be because you made it happen.
Quote: I don't want my marriage to be over.
Do you want the life you were living with pain and unresolved issues to be over?
Quote: God . . . what will I have left to believe in then?
Emily
Quote: What the hell will I tell my beautiful girls when they grow up without a daddy . . . and want to know where theirs is.
They won't grow up without a daddy. You said yourself he loves his girls. He's not going to stop seeing them.
Quote: I'd say what the hell will I do . . . but the answer is : Exactly what I've been doing . . . anything I want.
You will do what you need to do to get Emilys house in order. He will do what he needs to do to get his house in order.
You need to let him go Emily. When you hold on to him it's with a 'death grip', then you slap him in the face with your anger, then you panic and obsess over what you or he has just done to ruin it all.
If you keep this cycle up he WILL be gone forever. Whether he has an OW or not one thing is for sure he won't want to be coming 'home' to a place where it's so unpredictable.
Let him go Emily, while he still loves you. Get Emily on track for life. 21 years old is a hard place for you to be with kids and all but you are a survivor. And you have a looooong life ahead of you.
Stop calling, e-mailing or looking at MySpace. He'll call when he wants to talk and when he does, be present and grounded but do not go anywhere near relationship issues. Keep it on the kids, job, relatives, weather, whatever.
Do this for your girls sake. They need a mother who is sane.
