Thanks for the slap in the eye Alimari
I really needed that!

I sent him an e-mail today . . . letting him know a few about Kiya (I.E. She's starting her antibotics today . . and I'd keep him posted incase of an allergic reaction.)
I did throw into that e-mail that
"if you wanted to call and shoot the [censored] like we used to feel free . . . there need not be any relationship talk . . we could just shoot the [censored]."
I told him I was proud of him . . and I would love to hear all about where he's headed.

I'm trying to show him that I am interested in his life. He told me that he never felt like I cared or like I wanted him to just talk to me about the little stuff.

I hope to God that it's not coming across as neediness right now . . . I just want him to know that I am here for him.

He is planning on stopping through here on his way back down the the OC to finish his training (after his two weeks on the road)
Unless he changes his mind in those two weeks . . I'll see him again.
AND that will be my time to shine . . . and show him that our R can be loving and fun . . . and I'm not going to make him feel miserable anymore.

I will be better . . . even if he won't.

I need to make a list of 180 goal of things I will or will NOT do . . when I see him again.
I am scared that he and I will on different pages as to where our relationship stands. . . but I will not bring it up.

I'm really worried that his myspace page only says "in a relationship" because of the OW.
Geesh . . . I'm still circling.

STOP IT!!!!!!!

That thinking will sabotage my 180 . . . and I'll behave poorly.
OK . . .
I have two weeks to get my act together enough to see him again.
I sure hope he doesn't decide he never wants to see me again in those two weeks.

OK . . . I have to get my PMA back up today. . .
I have to stop resisting what is going to happen.
I cannot control him . . . I cannot make him change his mind.
And if I try it will only push him farther and make him more upset and angry.

I'm going about this all wrong today . .
I need to step back and try to take off the blinders.