You need to concentrate on GAL. This is important because it will allow you to be doing something that will take your mind off of him and what he is thinking and it will allow you to be able to work on YOU and your healing. Once you get in the habit of doing this your thoughts will get clearer. I know it has helped me immensely.
"Our life is what our thoughts make it."
Marcus Aurelius
Thanks StevieRay. Honestly I don't know how to GAL. . . . I never know exactly what things to do/that count as GAL.
Most of the self improvement things that I am doing I have been doing . . or have had planned to do. I'll have to look back through the DBing book . . . . but advice from you all is always appreciated.
Anything YOU can do to distract YOU from your current sitch is what I consider getting a life. You need to do this so that you can clear your mind and not get stuck going around and around. Maybe it is going to the movies, knitting, crossword puzzles, reading a good novel, working out, gardening, etc... Find something that takes your concentration so you don't think about H and your sitch.
"Our life is what our thoughts make it."
Marcus Aurelius
Thanks for checking on me Emily,,I should be here but now I'm posting in seperated. Check my sitch out over there. Please This is still too much for me ,, I dont get my H. Have a glorious day. God bless.
I've been thinking about my sitch, not in that panicked way . . but for some reason in a calm objective manner. Woah . . that's a shocker!!
Anyway . . So he took his stuff, we're seperated again. I just have to step back give him his "time" and see where it goes.
I'll be honest I don't want to be 21 divorced with two kids. . . but I can't stop it if it's going to happen. I can only work my way through it.
I just wish I knew if he was/is still seeing the OW and that's what this is all about.
I think that the mark on his neck really was from rough-housing not from biting/sucking. IT was HUGE . . . took up the whole front and most of the side. So unless she's an alien with an unhinging jaw . . .
I am detaching as much as I can. I like our relationship while he is out on the road . . . we have nice convo and such . . . but geesh when he comes "home" all hell breaks loose. I think things moved way to fast. Maybe him reseperating us is the best thing. He said he did it because "it'd feel less stressful if he didn't live here". Which I think is a commitment issue . . I think he wants to stay but is scared to commit to a lifetime of ANYTHING.
Maybe I'm really overthinking . . . but at least it's not an upset horrible feeling like it gets sometimes.
My brain is starting to go into fight or flight mode. I am trying to remain objective and look at it from a good angle. He hasn't said that he definately wants to D me. That's positive spin. This weekend I really did have a different mentality and then he had that mark . . . that caused an upset. Then yesterday he was miserable ALL DAY LONG.
I am worried about the decision he'll make but I've come to terms with the fact that I change it if he decides he wants to leave me.
I just hate being in limbo and wondering when the bomb will drop or the fog will lift.
I called and got an application to work up at the highschool in town. I don't know if I'll be able to get the position but I thought I might as well try. Wish me luck . . could that be a GAL step sneaking up on me?!?!?!?!?
I can feel the unease and panic slowly rising and knotting up my stomach. I'm unsure what to do. Any advice??
I should probably just be mad enough to kick him to the curb, but instead I am hurt.
Stupid things are bothering me. Like my picture keeps disappearing from his top 8 friends list, but his relationship thing still says "in a relationship".
Has he stayed with her "in a relationship" and just been toying with me?
When he went to get smokes (my friend works part time at the little store he went to) yesterday, my friend asked him what was going on. Why I had called and left a voicemail asking her to stop by and why I sounded soo upset (like I was crying). He said, "We're married aren't we allowed to fight." She said, "She wouldn't have called me over a fight. It has to be more serious." (Oh let me add here that this friend of mine and him were friends long before my H and I ever officially met so . . . it's different for her to talk to him than any of my other friends.) He just said, "We were fighting." So she asked him, "Well when do you have to head out to meet that guy." He replied, "Later tonight." <--THAT'S AN OUT AND OUT LIE!!! He knew damn well that he was meeting him at 9 o'clock this morning (they've had that same plan since he got back into PA on Friday) . . . he knew that she and I would talk about it. Does he lie so much he doesn't even realize when he's lying????
I just don't know what to think. I'd like to go back to the place I had reached with trying to just trust him. But after all of this mess. Are we just too screwed up?!?!?! I could really use some advice to hopefully help me decide exactly what to do. I know that focusing on it doesn't get me anywhere . . . but ignoring the problem won't help either. I can GAL and work on this solution at the same time right?
RB . . . do you really think I should ask for a "real" seperation (not talking and such) if there is a doubt about the OW. Won't that just shove him into to her arms??? I don't want to make the wrong move. I almost feel as if I am being tested by him. I don't understand what he wants.
Alright I've gotten myself all worked up and freaked out.
I've got myself convinced that he's doing all of this for the OW.
I gave him an ultimatum on Saturday (after I noticed the bruise) I told him if he was still seeing her he HAD to choose between us . . because I didn't want to stay with him if he was still sneaking around with her. I told him that it would really break my heart . . etc. and he needed to be a decent human being and decide. He of course went off about not being with her. But he's refused to change his in a relationship back to married since we got back together . . when I asked him about it . . he would only get angry and say that he was "in a relationship . . what does it matter." He always got REALLY mad.
Maybe she looks at it from time to time and he doesn't want to get caught. I'm wondering if he ever really went out on the road this past week. When I would ask him where he was he'd have to think really hard and when I asked where they were headed (I am interested in travel) he'd always say "I don't know."
Tension has set in all the way. It's a low grade . . . just a big knot in my belly. I was hoping I would come find some words of wisdom. Nothing new to report. I spent the evening with my good friend . . she didn't want me to have to be all alone.
We talked about the sitch some. She said about how he's just like his dad and when their tense about work they freak out in their marriage. VERY excellent point. But it doesn't mean my H is going to keep going in these circles with me.
I just don't know what to do or think. . . I can't stop anything that going to happen from happening but I am starting to resist it. My blinders are going on . . I'm getting scared. I want my H around . . I enjoy talking to him and loving him.
Well he hasn't intiated contact today . . . I called him this morning, he wasn't mad and he picked up and called me back.
It's possible he was busy. I haven't called him since this morning before he went on the road. I don't plan to call him at all while he is "at work" unless it's an emergency with the girls. There's no need to even bring up anything with him. He'll call me if he wants to talk. . . I wish he would . . I miss him when I don't get to chat and shoot the breeze with him. Oh well . . I have to act cool . . . and not bug the crap outta him . . even though it bugs the crap outta me when he doesn't call. Hey he's only been gone 1 day . . . when it gets to 4 or 5 it'll really bother me . . probably to the point of rage. I understand him not calling EVERYDAY . . . he's busy and they can drive for quite a stretch at a time . . that would make anyone tired as hell.
I just simply don't know . . . maybe hopefully someone without their blinders on will help me see clearly.
RB . . I'm still waiting on an answer to my question to you!
This is still too much for me ,, I dont get my H.
. . she didn't want me to have to be all alone.