Well he left lastnight . . . all his crap in tow. He said he stick around the area and come back and say good bye before he went on the road. No such luck he's in Athens (where he TE he's going on the road with lives.)
Well "he cleared his head" . . and he doesn't love me anymore.
Without thinking as we were hanging up today I said ILY (force of habit) . . and like a slap in the face he said, "I know YOU do." WTF????
I don't love him that much. I panicked for a few hours lastnight. . . but this morning I am calm. I accept that it's going to happen. I'd like to speed it along . . but I will NOT file for the D (not my place I didn't wreck our relationship by kicking him out and having OP and all that crap. I don't keep running away I am willing to roll up my damn sleeves.)
Today I will calling to update my child-support case. I filed it at the beginning of June and they still haven't "found him" so I'm going to tell them Kiya was born. And that he's working for Schneider and give them his parents new address (since that's where he'll be living.)
He's acting like he's been seeing the OW again. Would take his phone out of his pocket . . lied about even having it on him. The marks. The way he seems guilty, and cranky.
It all seems like he's seeing her again.
He burnt me once and that's on him . . . twice is my fault. I refuse to let this happen. I think that unless I find some true peace and understanding before I talk to him again (God only knows when that will be. Hopefully he'll care enough to contact me after Kiya's next DR. appointment) that even if he begs to come back and shows up promising the moon and even if he really has it right in his hand. I'm going to tell him to kiss my ass . . . and shove it up his. I'm tired of being his revovling door. When he gets lonely he walks in and when they're on speaking terms he walks out?!?!? I'm his ^&*^^&*(&) doormat. I will NOT be anymore. I am just going to start looking for a new daddy to my girls and leave the past where it belongs.
