Hi Emily I don't even know why I came on here again this morning but felt i should before I go out
I guess (and this is what I tell my all my friends when they ask my opinion on tricky stuff) You need to do what YOU can live with.
you still have a few options you can choose to believe him that he was playing around with his brother if you know that they fight very rough and hurt each other, and tell yourself if it was a 'hickey' then he would not not have turned up incase you saw it
you can ask for a closer look of the mark - bruises do not look all the same and a 'hickey' mark is not like a bruise from fighting about if its a choke hold type there should be an outline of fingers
you can then make a decision as to what you think it really is and if you feel it a 'hickey' mark then I guess you can decide he is still lying and feels that you will just believe him
so there are three options on the neck mark (and I am sure there is more if we think about it)
he said he prefered being with OW I guess you can ignore it as something said when he is upset and trying to hurt you (which he seems to do doesn't he - he tries to hurt you because he feels you hurt him)
or you can decide that he can go - even if he is just trying to hurt you because he is immature and spiteful and you have had enough
you have been annoying the hell out of him (apart from him seeming to expect that everything would be a bed of roses) maybe you should tell him that he annoys the hell out of you and that as of this moment you trust him about as much as you would trust a psychopathic crack addict you could lay down some rules and tell him he needs to clearly understand that it will be a very long time before you trust him - and if he wants to make this work he needs to work at it probably harder than you will
and he went out for a walk to be on his own - well that will the problems NOT - maybe you need to ask him is this how he is going to fix all problems as they occur - because you don't agree with how he tries to solve this stuff
you could just pack his bags and tell him its over - take control of the situation yourself and move him out ask him to lose you number and you will mail him updates on his daughters or he can take you to court for access
You notice I say 'you can' because this really has to be all your decision at the end of the day you are the one who has to live with the choice you make
now you could also leave things alone - not say anything, apologise even blame it on the hormones and just keep on doing this or even take money from him for the support of his daughters and meantime work out what you want from this relationship if you want it at all
I think it is about time you asked him how he intends to deal with his daughters when they grow up and you begin to have problems with them as teenagers when they try to be independent and break the family rules what does he intend to do if they lie about what they are doing (he can't exactly tell them off as so far he is not a good role model) ask him what he would think if his daughters married a man exactly like him who cheated on them what would he do about it if they came home upset
I think he is a very selfish person who has not grown up yet and it is sad that he already has two children when he seems to still act like a child himself
but at the end of the day Emily only you know what to do only you have to live with the decision you make
your last comment on your reply to Amy even you by saying you are waiting for a second opinion are really saying that you want someone to talk you into giving this another try you don't want to give up
so then don't - but slow it down big time - maybe things are moving too fast - maybe he is getting frightened he does seem to want to run away I would not be going anywhere with him until the children are both lots older - like you say you will get stuck) one thing I get the feeling about here is that he seems to want to have more control and power over you and your life and he would get this by taking you away from everyone I may be wrong here but this is the feeling I am getting
You have a little life set up where you are and you need to stay until you are at least 99% sure of the future with him
maybe now is the time to think about you and the girls and to plan a what you want for your futures have two plans one that includes him and one that doesn't
let him know you are willing to try this but you are working on both you plans and he is not included in one of them
I guess the big decision here is on what you want and what you are willing to put up
you need to think about this indepth you need to take some control over you life tell him you want to do some kind of coure to get qualified in some area ask him to pay for it maybe
you have a few choices here keep trying to be nice to him and let him keep doing this or lay down some rules (similiar to what you would do with a beligerent child)
there is a big difference between DBing and being a doormat for someone to wipe there feet and angry/guilty emotions on DBing talks about trying to fix the problems while at the same time concentrating on yourself and becoming more independent getting a life and doing things with your life having plans for yourself
this is what you need to do yes its hard with littlies but not impossibe join some kind of mums group with the kids there must be plenty around get out and make friends with other new mums with small children
there has to be lots of things you can do and if you really want this work Emily stop being a whiney dependent on someone else for my happiness type person (sorry but you know I mean it in the nices way)
go get an Emily life think you and the girls against the world get angry with your situation if you think it will help and tell the world and everyone in it 'watch me'
good luck
you can do this
the hardest thing will be working out what you will put up with - and what you want control over
