Quote: He makes sure that the bigger things we have are only in his name . . then I can't stake claim to them. Oh REALLLLY?
Yes . . .
the car . . the one that is ONLY in his name?
The loan came from a credit union that had an account that was in MY NAME . .
and guess who's name got stuck on the car?
HIS. . . and ONLY his.
And this that car was bought since we were married . . so I couldn't figure out why my name didn't go on it too!
I am changing my thinking about the affair and everything to deal with that. I honestly am this time. Cross my heart . . I've been doing much better. I still pour some lemon juice on it from time to time . . and it definately still hurts but I am learning to let go.
I mean you all are always telling me to TAKE CARE OF ME . . to detach from him to not make myself reliant on him. Plan and simple . . if we move . . .I would be semi-reliant on him at leat for awhile.
I am trying to do that. Does that mean that he and I couldn't live together agian. Certainly not . . . but maybe right now it needs to be on my terms NOT his. He can come back here and stick it out with me for awhile . . . and if things change then I will consider putting myself in that EXTREMELY uncomfortable position. BUT . . at this stage in the game . . I am not willing to take a leap of faith based on anything he is doing or saying.
Like I said he seems to be taking backwards steps again. . . everyone backslides . . but he has to live his life right and prove that he's man . . . or the girls and I simply cannot stay with him.
I never realized exactly how I felt about it all. Thanks for pushing me Amy.
Maybe I'm going about this all wrong . . but I have protect myself and my girls . . no more leaps of faith for Emily.
Quote: I mean you all are always telling me to TAKE CARE OF ME . . to detach from him to not make myself reliant on him. Plan and simple . . if we move . . .I would be semi-reliant on him at leat for awhile.
Ok Emily, me personlly, when I say take care of YOU, I mean from an emotional standpoint. There are times when even the best of us are financially and in other ways semi or fully dependant on our spouses. That does NOT mean we have to be emotionally dependant, or codependant. You can move with him, live with him, and all that, and STILL learn to take care of YOURSELF when it comes to your happiness. That has nothing to do with your living situation or anything else.
GH
P.S. Did you get that part where I said ya done good last night?
Quote: P.S. Did you get that part where I said ya done good last night?
Sure did! Didn't I say THANK YOU!!! . . . guess not?!?!
THANK YOUVERY MUCH GH!
I'm glad that I did alright in handling that. I thought maybe it was a stupid move. I don't want him to feel like I don't want to be with . . . I guess that's part of what contributed the the affair in the first place. I don't want to go to that place again!
Maybe I'm being too protective of myself?!?! Does anyone see where I am coming from with this? He went through some of the motions after the bomb in December . . . and then he never let me know anything was wrong . . then BAM . . May comes and he runs out again. I had to get stuff figured out so I could keep this apartment. I just know that would be MUCH harder if I wasn't living in such a small town.
Am I making ALL the wrong moves or am I still heading in the right direction?????
I am worried now that I am screwing things all up. Not with my thoughts and fear of the affair. But with own stupidity.
I don't want to have to ask anything of him ever. I mean isn't that why people like affairs? Because there are no strings attached. I don't want him to have strings. I mean I do . . but I don't want him to feel burdened by me.
I wanted him to feel like that before and I guess maybe I went about it the wrong way because he said he felt like I wasn't really into it before. Well this time I'm really not into it . . . so something has to change or my marriage will be over.
I've changed my thinking about the affair . . . but how do I change my thinking about relying on him?!?!?!?
I've never been able to rely on him before . . . he never keeps his end of that bargain. I don't know how to try and rely on him. When I try then he feels like he's not good enough . . because he can't provide enough (even though NEVER have I inplied that) then he gets frustraighted and mad at me and ends up running.
It seems like we are in a loop. If I rely on him he runs from me. If I try to remain distant he feels like I don't want him and cheats. WHAT THE HELL DO I DO??????????????????
I feel like I finally found first gear . . . and now I've dumped the clutch got stuck in neutral and now my wheels are spinning FAST!
Man . . .
I've got to get this balanced in my head. I start to work through one problem and my idiot brain pops up with another one.
When does a relationship hit a wall that you can't get past even if you don't want to let go? I don't want it to be there. . . I want to stay with my H and work through all of this. I just don't know if it's possible. Any thought???
A guy from Schneider just called and said that he was calling for Kevin because he's suppose to be his TE (the guy they go on the road with). I said, "well he's out on the road with someone now." and he says, "Oh well they contacted me because they said they put him down for a week because they couldn't find anyone for him to go with."
WTF????????
So my H decides to leave BEFORE he even had to . . . and now this guy calls and says he needs to talk to Kevin because they need to start planning out their travel plans for NEXT WEEK???
I called and told him this guy had called and I told him what this guy had said to me. (I got my H's voicemail). and I added something to the affect of (I did this without crying although my voice was shaking), "If you wanted to leave and stay down there, you didn't have to lie. You should always feel able to tell me the truth. I do love you very much and I will talk to you later."
