Well the ole PMA is down today . . .
BUT . .
I am keeping to my thinking that holding it against him gets me nowhere I want to be.
I'm moving along with my thoughts and feelings about the affair.

He called again lastnight.
It's hard to trust him while he's out on the road. . . harder than I thought it would be.
But I am taking his word for what it is, and no more.

It was a pleasant enough convo. I messed up though.
OOPS . . I'm still learning. Like walking on shaky baby legs.
He was talking about moving us somewhere (out of state) and he asked if I would be opposed to leaving PA.

STUPID ME says, "Not really . . . (long pause here)."
(In my head I'm thinking that I'll move far away from everyone I really know and he'll pull this running away crap and I'll be stuck with NO ONE to help . . . and my poor parents would be stuck buying me a plane ticket home to live with them)

So he says, "Tell me what you're thinking . . . "
I say, "Well PLEASE don't take this wrong. I'd be glad to move with you. I just want you to wait awhile until you're really sure you're going to stay. I don't want to get that far away and be stuck again . . only with no one to help."

He says, "Well I wasn't saying I wanted you to move this week. I'm talking down the road us moving somewhere."

SOOOO . . . I don't know if that was him saying that he really still isn't sure. Or if he was trying to calm my mind by saying I have time before he's definately asking me to move.

STUPID EMILY STUPID!!!!!!!!!


This made me a little angry although I didn't let it show or even say anything about it.

Since "our" Cavalier just crapped out on us again . . . he's decided to get a "new" car (it'll be way used). So he's been looking at trucks . . . and I heard him telling the one guy that he needed the extended cab because he had to be able to fit two carseats in it (he was looking at the trucks before he came up to visit).
BUT . . . since he's been looking after the car blew up.
He starts telling me about this Supra that he found.
Sure it's his "dream car"
BUT . . it's also a sports car.
So I said, "You might want to look at something we could at least put a carseat, since you're trading the Cav in on whatever you get."
He replies, "It's got a backseat."
I say, "Oh, I thought they were two seaters."
"No it's backseat is as big as the one in the Cav."

So . . . alright it's got a backseat . . . but I feel like I am going four steps forward . . ten steps back with him.
He was all about finding something I could drive since he'll be on the road so much.
Now he's looking at sports cars for himself.
Geesh . . . .
I didn't push the issue and when he said all bummed out, "It'll be gone by the time I get back though."
I pulled out my supportive side and said, "You never know it could still be there, you might get a chance at it."

He's not proving that he's going to hold up any of his end of the bargain.
But I guess in these dealings all bets are off.
I am going to continue to work on myself . . .and keep my good thinking going. BUT geesh is he frustraighting.