I don't know how to begin this. Guess I'll just dive in.
I'm an older woman and have been on this board since November. I believe I was the first person to answer TG when he first posted his thread. And we continued until he quit posting. And yes, we were also communicating privately.
I knew everything about you, TG, your children, and also the few women that he saw while you were separated. He told me details every time he went out with them. He told me all about you and how very very much he loved you.
I do want to say that your husband helped me tremendously. I was married for over 30 years when my H got online and left me for OW. Your husband talked with me about God, and spirituality, he prayed with me, he gave me strength and inspiration.
The day that he was to meet you for the first time since your separation, I talked with him. I prayed for him, I encouraged him. He was and is a truly spiritual person.
I believe that you have some psychological problems now that you have to deal with. If you don't find the help that you need, you may end up losing a truly wonderful man.
I am almost old enough to be his mother. But we were very good friends. And I know that he has mentioned me to you.
I believe that he was faithful to you, in every sense of the word. I firmly believe that he didn't break his marriage vows. Yes, he was seeing a few women. But because of extreme lonliness and the fear of losing you. He had no intention to sleep with them.
All he wanted was to get you back. This was his main desire, his goal, his obsession. You were and are the love of his life.
If you really believe that God created you and all of us in his image. You will not let this ruin your relationship.
I urge you to go to your Source, which is God. If you can reach for this higher power, you won't feel the pain that is coming to you from YOUR OWN INSECURITY. I urge you to get the help that you desperately need. If you don't get it now, you will probably drive him away, and you will have to work out your insecurities within another relationship on down the road.
We can learn to heal ourselves and our spouses. I know that you went to Retroville, and I know that it is a great program. Howevern there is another marriage program that I'd like to suggest. It's called IMAGO, and there are IMAGO psychologists all over the country. They are much more common than the Retroville programs. Put a search into your search engine and the name of your state and find one.
Again, I'm asking you to give up your sadness and pain, you have nothing to be upset about. Be grateful that you have found a man like your husband. As you know, they don't grow on trees, and none are perfect. I KNOW that your husband loved/loves you, and you are blowing some innocent friendships all out of proportion. Maybe he shouldn't have seen these women, but they absolutely were not affairs, and at that time HE was in such horrible pain that he felt that he had to do this. And I don't think he was deciveing anyone on the board. Yes, this is a controversial subject. Many authorities and people on the board advise against dating. But there are others who advise the opposite. He did want to make you jealous, and he wanted to lift his depression about the separation, these were the main reasons that he developed those friendships.
And think about it, if he were actually having an affair, he wouldn't have been seeing more than one. They were only friendships.
As far as the materials that he bought, he bought them to try to find out how to win you back. This was his obsession. Don't punish him or yourself for nothing. Don't throw what the two of you have away. Please get some help and learn to be happy.
