I don't know if this will help you. In my own sitch, I went through the same phase as you are in..... needing to have all my questions answered. It is a very exhausting place to be. I think it is only natural to want to figure out what has gone on in your life. However, you, not your H, has the power to move you out of this phase. You have to come to the realization that you have enough info and then make the conscious choice to forgive and move on.
Believe me, I know that is not easy. I have never been a particularly forgiving person and never felt myself capable of forgiving such a horrible wrong. One day, I realized that I was keeping myself in this sad, depressed place. I made the choice to forgive my H for ME. Forgiveness really is a present you give yourself more than the other person. Once I had forgiven him, a lot of the pain and depression disappeared. Letting go really does work.
One point I would like to make. Our sitches are not really the same but I have learned that when a person gives up the affair partner, they have to go thru a grieving process of their own. If you are not seeing some kind of grieving or depression or whatever you want to call it from your H, then I doubt that he has given up whatever he was doing. It is a loss for the cheater to give up their OW/OM. And if you don't see any signs of it, then it probably hasn't happened. And, remorse is not necessarily an indication that they are experiencing a "loss". Be very careful with the difference in these two.
Can you and your H overcome this? Absolutely. You both have to want it. You both have to choose it.
I wish you all the best.
Spitfire23
Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest. Mark Twain
