I have always remained faithful to my H. The separations were to give us space to work on ourselves so that we could be the best for each other.
I understand looking at these sites when separated, but acting on it is a totally different realm. Besides, this has been my H's MO all his adult life. He claims that I was the only one he had ever been faithful to (even made this claim while he was in the affairs). He and I met on the internet. He cheated on his first W through internet dating (as well as other ways). I caught him twice checking out singles sites earlier in our relationship.
Quote: He cheated on his first W through internet dating (as well as other ways). I caught him twice checking out singles sites earlier in our relationship.
Ah, ok. Nevermind. See, history helps us understand when our advice is just way off.
Quote: I intend to dig up his threads and refresh my memory but I already recall enough to be pissed at his deception.
I got pissed right away and I don't even know him. When I saw your name all over his threads, I figured you may have a bit more to say about it.
BTW, TTH, AmyC, in addition to someone who I think knew your H pretty well when he was here, is also one of the resident "good guys (er...girls)". She helps a lot of people a lot of the time and will do the same for you I bet.
Thank you all for your help...I feel so alone in all this. And I am soooo sorry that he deceived all of you also. He deceived many people, including our priest. Much of what he said was correct...the separation was very difficult, but it doesn't excuse his behavior especially toward me, but also to everyone who cared about him and what he was going through.
He even paid hundreds!!! of $'s in material to make him better at online dating and getting women to go to bed with you on the first date...etc...the list is too long to even think about (all of which he still hasn't cleaned out of our computor. He also paid for consultations with dating/picking up women...all of whom were advising him to go the opposite direction you all were telling him to go.
Just FYI GH..he showed up all over my prayer threads because he was on our list for prayer. I AM familiar with him but others are moreso. He was just carried over as the prayer list grew.
But here's a quote of his:
Quote: My W made reference and allegations that I have apparently decided to move on with my life by seeing other people and called it adultry. I did in passing mention to her best friend last week when she called me that I had been out late the previous night and I am sure that is where she got that idea. While I have been out with other women I have not had sexual relations with these women. My wife had cut me off from any contact and while I had done so many things to GAL including spiritual worship, reading everything I could get my hands on, spending time with myself and enjoying it and going to counseling there was only so much I felt I could do without human interaction. My wife was the first choice and preference to show the changes and the confident man I had once again become but she imposed no contact on me. I lovingly gave her the space she requested. What choice did I have but to mingle with other human beings as part of the process of seeing who I had become. I did it for me first but I also did it in the hopes that my W would finally come to me and I would be ready to be the man I knew I had to be with her.
TTH, I *think* there is a VERY unique opportunity here for Amy and others to help you, armed with a VERY rare commodity around here; both sides of the story. I know you say he lied to the board, but there ARE two sides to every story and while YOU are the one we want to help now, I think we'd be stupid to ignore HIS side of the story, considering it all lies.
What amy posted from his threads seems to BE another, perfectly viable version of the story you tell. Is it POSSIBLE that the truth lies somewhere in between?
I will probably back off now and leave your sitch to Amy and other's who will surely know more about it's history (at least HIS side of it) and be much better at asking the right questions/giving the right answers than I.
Quote: I have always remained faithful to my H. The separations were to give us space to work on ourselves so that we could be the best for each other.
I understand looking at these sites when separated, but acting on it is a totally different realm. Besides, this has been my H's MO all his adult life. He claims that I was the only one he had ever been faithful to (even made this claim while he was in the affairs). He and I met on the internet. He cheated on his first W through internet dating (as well as other ways). I caught him twice checking out singles sites earlier in our relationship.
TTH ~
What is your goal? Why are you here? Do you want this marriage? Because if so, it's going to take you BOTH working to save it.
What's he doing THESE days? Please tell me he is not cheating....
Amy, I remember that very clearly. This is when I first became suspicious. I confronted him very shortly after that post. He gave me the same story he gave all of you. But believe me, I have hard proof that he was sexually involved when he wrote that...and he has now admitted it to me.
I know he was hurting...so was I! I have read all his posts, and don't really want to go through and point out all his incorrect statements. Most of what he was saying is true, he just said it in a manner that made him look pretty innocent. And he left out things that may shed a different view of himself than he wanted everyone to see.
