i have been off the boards for a while now. alittle history: m 36 w 35 two kids s14 d8. in march w tells me she is not happy and wants to move out and find herself. i was dumbfounded and did not understand any of this. after 17 years together with out any fights, i was suprised to say the least. so w moves out and i find this site. april cell bill comes and i find out she is having a affair with someone from work, to this day i dont know who. time goes buy and i gal and try to go dark but she refuses to let me. she begins to contact me all the time and wants to do things together. then in june she moves back home. june was a rocky month, one week after she moves home she wants to leave again, this time because she is confused and needs to figure out things again. i then go dark on her, while she is still home, many people here told me to expect this, its normal, i could not accept this mood and give completely up. tell her to leave that shes right we dont belong together anymore, divorce is best, friendship is over. two days later she breaks, tells me she is sorry and needs me and wants to stay married. so since mid july we have been working on our m. she has been great. very loving and caring. i thought that once she made up her mind to stay it would be easy, but let me tell you its not so easy. i am always reminded of her affair, weather its the radio, a movie on tv, other people going thru the same thing, it seems everytime i turn the corner i get it slamed into my face. i truly love my w and want this to work, but how do i get over all the lies and her infidelity. its hard for me to accept. i trust her very much, i truly believe she is totally back, but i dont know 100%. i find myself looking or waiting for the shoe to drop again, watching every corner i come to, i am completely gaurded, and i know it shows. i would love for the time i am 100% comfortabul with her. i know i have to figure this out myself, witch i am trying, but if anyone has anything for me to work on let me know.
