I guess it’s been awhile since I posted or visited and I felt that I needed to stop by for a visit this weekend. . I see myself in so many of the circumstances that I read about here, the pain, how awful it was for a time, but you know no matter how you feel now, believe me things will and do get better. They have to, it’s the way God works.
My H came home six months ago this week after moving out a year ago this week. So much has happened, so much has changed with both of us. It’s hard to explain, but things are good between us in a way that I don’t remember them ever being, even when we were dating. It is quite amazing.
I know ow is out there lurking. When he first came home this summer things were kind of rough for awhile, but after a few months of upsets the good Lord up and took my H and put him in job 90 miles away working six days a week, ten hours a day.
He has some stuff to get through, that he’s going through and the less I say the better. This is another time of testing for me, to see if the changes in ME are for real and here to stay, cause it’s still tough at times. My H still has some of his old personality traits, the teenage ones, he overreact at times, the Jekyl/Hyde complex. But I remember the overreacting that I did myself, understanding that it’s not really about me, but more about him and what he may be dealing with inside.
He is trying to get ow out of his life and his system and it’s a slow process. One thing I am finally seeing NOTHING and I mean NOTHING I ever said or threatened him with caused him to quit seeing ow, no amount of sense talk, reality, whatever, worked with him. It probably backfired on me more than anything. It’s something he has to do on his own without any interference from me. And I know some people believe that the contact must be cut off completely for a marriage to work, and maybe that’s true, but I’m putting my trust in God and letting him take care of that situation.
Each situation is different, each person is different and so each approach must be different and we must give the walk away his dignity and respect back, even if we think they don’t deserve it, before they can start feeling comfortable again. I notice with my H, the more I keep quiet, the more I back off from him the more he opens up. This is where I got in trouble in the past, I would assume he was doing one thing based on what I “saw” or thought I “knew” from the past and then pounce on him for it whether I WAS right or wrong, I never gave him the chance to come forward on his own, I would just ASSume and it would push him away. I guess if you keep doing the wrong thing over and over you eventually catch on and start doing something different.
So all in all we are progressing, things do change, most of these guys (and woman) do get through this stuff, it just takes time. God uses time for our own good, to change us, there are no quick fixes for anybody, it’s slow, sooo slow at times, but then it took me awhile to get through everything I needed to get through so my H must have that same time.
Take care everyone and my God bless you in a big way!
Cathy, I hope that you and your family had a pleasant Thanksgiving. I'm very grateful that you returned at the time you did. There are many who are posting w/spouses returning home and a longer, harder journey is taking place--understanding and showing compassion to those who do return home.
Your posting was right on time this weekend. I hope everything works out for you. You struggled for quite a while, but look at you now! You are doing great and your h is finally getting his act together, slowly but surely.
Take care and don't be a stranger. Come back to visit again very soon.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Cathy, I am pretty new here; but, I wanted to thank you for sharing. It is encouraging to know that there are success stories. It is good to know there is hope. I have been apart from my h for 2 months now. We do see each other once or twice a week-he comes to see the kids and he spent Thanksgiving w/us. While he has been gone, my faith/relationship w/ God has gotten stronger and for that I am thankful. but, I still want my h home, I am just scared of getting hurt more than I have been already. I am so happy for you and I wish for you the best. I hope that one day I reach the maturity that you have & that my h comes home soon. God Bless YOU!!!! deb
