Thank you all for your kind words and Snodderly I'm glad you stopped by. I think you were with me through the thick of this MLC stuff...ANGER and REPLAY which mix together!!
TMAK2, I followed a lot of your postings and became close to the Lord myself. I just found a post you posted to another about the ow and how he knows it's time for her to leave, but he now has to hurt another person, that their time is finished, that season is over. I feel that's where my husband is today, cause he disassociating himself with her and that is what I have to focus on.
I read Joyce Meyer books and listened to Joyce Meyer tapes, spent a lot of time in the Word. I have so many tape sets and each time I got one of her books listened to one of her tapes it moved me to a new level. It was just what I needed at the time.
As far as ow, she has H's cellphone..only calls the house when she's desparate, so not much I can do there. He has been home a month now, every night home which hasn't happened in years. All of his stuff is back in our house and ow's house keys are GONE, GONE, GONE from his keychain. I don't look daily or anything like that, but last night I had to run to his truck to get something out of it and did look and saw they were gone!
I try not to look backwards too much, my goal is to push forward. I had to heal myself first in order to get to where I am today. I had to let all my feelings, no matter what they were, come to the surface and then purge them. I had to take ownership of every little emotion or feeling I had or went through and not make them about anybody else but ME and then go from there! There were times when I thought I was done, but then realized I hadn't gone deep enough. You have to kill the root, not just chop something off at the surface. I believe I had to get myself to the spot I am today, having that peace inside that surpasses all understanding, in order for my husband to feel safe again, to want to try, to come back home.
And I don't want to be constantly hitting him over the head with every mistake he's made the last few years, I did that enough when he was home the last time. I mean he knows, I don't think I have to remind him at this point. And I can't change the past, it's there, it's history, it's in the books, it's time to move forward
My H is in a season of healing and I must let him heal himself. To do that I have to step back and out of the Lord's way.
