It's good to hear from you again - especially with such strength and wisdom, as well as great news!
This isn't a speedy recovery problem that our spouses have. It takes so much patience and effort on our part, but it's nice to feel and share our personal growth.
Thank you so much for your post. You probably have given so much hope to so many with your words. This is exactly the kind of thing we need to hear more about around here. It's like a tall glass of cool water after the longest of droughts. Peace and love to you and your husband as you reconcile and move forward!
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
Cathy,
It's been a long haul for you and your family, but it looks like there is a happy ending for all of you.
Congratulations!
Keep up the good work and remember that God makes the changes when he's ready and we all must be patient.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Well I do see some familar names! Yeah this sure has been a long haul, if someone would have told me at the beginning of this that it would have taken this long, well I wouldn't have beleived them. There were many, many times that I did want to bail and just go my own way. I have two very good cyber freinds, both of them posted here back when I was more of a regular, that kept me on the narrow path and kept me hanging on to this marriage. Without them I don't know that I'd still be married.
Just a brief update, the op doesn't give up, the calls continue, but my H retrieved the last of his things from ow's place last night. She called the house last week to ask me to pass on a message to my H cause he's not taking her calls (she is desparate). I just listened and told her I'll pass the message on, which I did and he didn't call her either, said she's leaving all kinds of messages and he's not talking to her (well he does, but he chooses when. Just the outright nerve of this woman is amazing, she just doesn't have a clue. In some ways I feel pity for her, that at her age she's acting like 16 year old whose boyfriend just dumped her, yet not getting the message that HE did dump her.
My H told me the other night that he's home for our son (like I haven't heard that one before and his actions say different) and that we'll work on our relationship and see how things go. Well it's all we can do at this point, one day at a time. It took some pressure off of me, I was relieved when he said this, like I didn't have to make any big changes, doing things for him or "people pleasing" (Joyce Meyer has a great book on this by the way) him maybe, I did get out of that role and do NOT want to go back there. I can continue on the path that I have been on this last year without trying to change myself to suit why he wasn't happy in the first place, what caused him to wander. Which were more excuses than anything else and also things we can now work on and work out. I said to him, "oh so you're going to keep her in the background" to which he repled "No, I told her to hit the road" and that she "just hasn't got the message yet." Ow's old tactics are not working on my H anymore, I beleive he's made up his mind "that she has to go" and isn't going to change it, but she is still pursuing.
I spoke via email with his SIL yesterday and she knew that he had moved back, which surprised me, and she said that she was very happy for us and that she had been praying for me for along time. So now I'm wondering what exactly did happen between them, what caused him to be drawn back to his family and away from her, in time I'm sure it will come out.
Overall, life is good in a way that it never has been up till now!!!
I do remember you and I am so glad to hear that things are looking up for you. My husband came home also....it takes time and patience to get it altogether...but it is worth it.....actually, when I look back at it now, it was all worth it as I grew up, I became closer to the Lord and my husband is healed....It will be worth it to you and to all that are going thru this very difficult time....
I have some advice though as far as OW calling, I decided to take the matter into my hands and changed my number to an unlisted number as even though husband told her not to cal ever again (in front of me)...she kept calling for a day or two....did not want it so changed the number.
Good luck to you in the restoration and to all of you out there.....
WOW. Wonderful to read a success story. We are all so happy for you. Selfishly, we also hope that you'll hang around to help some of us fledglings here....
You're amazing, and I hope to sound at peace with myself as you are.
Thank you all for your kind words and Snodderly I'm glad you stopped by. I think you were with me through the thick of this MLC stuff...ANGER and REPLAY which mix together!!
TMAK2, I followed a lot of your postings and became close to the Lord myself. I just found a post you posted to another about the ow and how he knows it's time for her to leave, but he now has to hurt another person, that their time is finished, that season is over. I feel that's where my husband is today, cause he disassociating himself with her and that is what I have to focus on.
I read Joyce Meyer books and listened to Joyce Meyer tapes, spent a lot of time in the Word. I have so many tape sets and each time I got one of her books listened to one of her tapes it moved me to a new level. It was just what I needed at the time.
As far as ow, she has H's cellphone..only calls the house when she's desparate, so not much I can do there. He has been home a month now, every night home which hasn't happened in years. All of his stuff is back in our house and ow's house keys are GONE, GONE, GONE from his keychain. I don't look daily or anything like that, but last night I had to run to his truck to get something out of it and did look and saw they were gone!
I try not to look backwards too much, my goal is to push forward. I had to heal myself first in order to get to where I am today. I had to let all my feelings, no matter what they were, come to the surface and then purge them. I had to take ownership of every little emotion or feeling I had or went through and not make them about anybody else but ME and then go from there! There were times when I thought I was done, but then realized I hadn't gone deep enough. You have to kill the root, not just chop something off at the surface. I believe I had to get myself to the spot I am today, having that peace inside that surpasses all understanding, in order for my husband to feel safe again, to want to try, to come back home.
And I don't want to be constantly hitting him over the head with every mistake he's made the last few years, I did that enough when he was home the last time. I mean he knows, I don't think I have to remind him at this point. And I can't change the past, it's there, it's history, it's in the books, it's time to move forward
My H is in a season of healing and I must let him heal himself. To do that I have to step back and out of the Lord's way.
Thanks for your post. I am especially moved by your mention of healing, and how you went about this, and feeling love and peace. I think I feel at peace on my own, with myself, but still find that staring down the road of forgiveness with H is overwhelming. Right now I'm putting that back until I'm there, but would like to get on the path to healing. I suspect I'm just pushing feelings back and have not processed them, and love your guidance on how you healed.
Quote: I try not to look backwards too much, my goal is to push forward. I had to heal myself first in order to get to where I am today. I had to let all my feelings, no matter what they were, come to the surface and then purge them. I had to take ownership of every little emotion or feeling I had or went through and not make them about anybody else but ME and then go from there! There were times when I thought I was done, but then realized I hadn't gone deep enough. You have to kill the root, not just chop something off at the surface. I believe I had to get myself to the spot I am today, having that peace inside that surpasses all understanding, in order for my husband to feel safe again, to want to try, to come back home.
Yes yes yes, this is ABSOLUTELY what the LBS needs to work for, I do believe this! Nicely articulated.
Quote: And I can't change the past, it's there, it's history, it's in the books, it's time to move forward
I am thinking you can't even think about getting to this step 'til you're done w/ the one above.
So glad you're posting these thoughts, thank you again.
