Andy, this talk about the Five Love Languages is about a book by Gary Chapman of the same name. The love languages aren't just annoying quirks of our partners, these are the ways that different people feel that they are loved.

Here's the site: http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/

There's a quiz for both of you to take. Poke around the site-- I'm not suggesting you get another book (yet).

The languages are
physical touch,
quality time,
words of affirmation,
acts of service,
giving/receiving gifts.

So for example if HER language is Acts of Service, and YOURS is physical touch, for you hugging/kissing expresses love, but she would feel much more loved by you if you would mow the lawn without being asked. Or if yours is Words of Affirmation and hers is Gift Giving/Receiving, she might buy you an expensive watch, but what you really want is to hear how proud she is of you. The LLs are NOT mutually exclusive, that is, having one as your primary LL does not render you incapable of feeling loved in any other way. It's just about the primary one. Actually the book talks about a primary one and a secondary one.

The book says that many men THINK that physical touch is their primary LL, because men (at least the average guy) are pretty sexually oriented. But often it turns out that the guy really wants quality time and sex seems to be the only permissible way to get that. When he figures that out, he discovers that sitting and talking with his W REALLY fills his love tank (not that he stops desiring sex, but that even with sex, he doesn't feel LOVED until he has her attention and knows she is focused on him).

This is a useful concept, especially in a troubled relationship. Ideally people would be flexible about moving through these languages.

So what GEL is asking you is "What makes your W feel loved? What is her Love Language?" NOT "What turns her on sexually?"

Suggest you both take the quiz.