Quote: But you might also have the Princess type who's always gotten what she wanted, and therefore still feels entitled...
My mother refers to my H as "the pampered prince" because in her opinion his mother spoiled him and now he expects the same from me. Of course, my mother is a mean-spirited nutcase so...grain of salt.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
I'm not necessarily referring to anything sexual that gets her "excited". I'm talking about what things (in general daily life) have you done in the past that she honestly seems to respond positively to? That's why I threw in there that she gets "chatty".
See...my line of thinking here is. All those things you are doing that you mentioned (massages, notes, etc) that get your motor going....DON'T get hers going....because well, simply put you aren't filling her "love bank" with the right kind of currency. Kind of like.....being in Italy and trying to pay for your dinner with Yen instead of Lira.
Physical touch I suspect is one of your "currencies" (or love languages....but it's not one of hers. So find out what is her currency or love language....so you will be using the correct currency with her. I know that banking analogy isn't all that romantic....but doing what revvv's your engine on her obviously doesn't work.
You've mentioned that things are much improved over the weekends....why? What are you doing differently that she's responding favorably to? You've mentioned there have been lighter moods etc. There's a reason for it. You ARE most likely doing something different.
well.... i do know that i have tried taking more on in the home front, not that i wasn't doing my share. i think my attitude towards it has changed a little. Looking back, i have also figured out that i am being more chatty myself, so in turn that is creating a different atmosphere.
i am sure there is more to it, i just don't realize it. i do see what you are saying though and it makes more sense to me now then it did 2-3wks ago when i would say that i seriously questioned our longevity.
so time continues to tick, and we continue to tock.... and that makes no sense, but ehhh.... thats ok - because it is hump day
Andy, this talk about the Five Love Languages is about a book by Gary Chapman of the same name. The love languages aren't just annoying quirks of our partners, these are the ways that different people feel that they are loved.
There's a quiz for both of you to take. Poke around the site-- I'm not suggesting you get another book (yet).
The languages are
physical touch,
quality time,
words of affirmation,
acts of service,
giving/receiving gifts.
So for example if HER language is Acts of Service, and YOURS is physical touch, for you hugging/kissing expresses love, but she would feel much more loved by you if you would mow the lawn without being asked. Or if yours is Words of Affirmation and hers is Gift Giving/Receiving, she might buy you an expensive watch, but what you really want is to hear how proud she is of you. The LLs are NOT mutually exclusive, that is, having one as your primary LL does not render you incapable of feeling loved in any other way. It's just about the primary one. Actually the book talks about a primary one and a secondary one.
The book says that many men THINK that physical touch is their primary LL, because men (at least the average guy) are pretty sexually oriented. But often it turns out that the guy really wants quality time and sex seems to be the only permissible way to get that. When he figures that out, he discovers that sitting and talking with his W REALLY fills his love tank (not that he stops desiring sex, but that even with sex, he doesn't feel LOVED until he has her attention and knows she is focused on him).
This is a useful concept, especially in a troubled relationship. Ideally people would be flexible about moving through these languages.
So what GEL is asking you is "What makes your W feel loved? What is her Love Language?" NOT "What turns her on sexually?"
