Re N this is good until because for once it just seemed right. Then i realized W was more interested in watching the end of the show more then me. it was devastating to me because she was allowing me to do some of the things that i couldn't do for so long, Sounds like my house. Do you think we are twins, married to twins?
yet it did nothing for her (you could tell since she was glued to the tube); N did you ever think that some people are takers and some people are givers. Your W or you can like all of the things you were doing and be interested in the TV.
I think I have a W like that, wants attention from me, is interested in the TV program, and she gets a lot of satisfaction out of petting the dog while all of this is going on. Not much comes back to me at that time or even later.
What you might have had was your W getting stimulation from two sources while you got little in return. BTDT myself too many times till I am drained.
My W/BB keeps asking me why I quit my above description of her getting and me getting little back. She said she it makes her feel so good but can't see how it warrants much recripication. Takers N, is my opinion.
so i stopped - cold turkey, just stopped (that was so damn hard) You are 100% right, it's hard N. I have the same problem and feelings. I even told BB she seemed to be here for the free samples but rarely wants to buy anything or pass out free samples from her bag of rewards to me. Her samples mostly go to her 3 dogs.
she got preoccupied with something else (the TV), so I obviously wasn't doing something right N, you could have been doing almost everything right. Some people place a much higher or lower value on physical touch or what ever you were doing. Some people get caught up in what is going on in their mind and because what they are receiving, it is looked at with an entitlement mind (in a small or large way) they are getting what they deserve in their minds, and are disconnected to most or any thoughts of what you need or want. So forget about the "you weren't doing something right. Some people expect free gifts, expect large gifts, and expect gifts frequently.
In my case, BB thinks I like to do things for her or it is easy for me to do something, therefore, I have all of this abundance and I have to make little effort to give them to her.
On her part, she sees herself as short on ability and with limited resources so she feels she shouldn't have to give much. She also places a higher value on what she gives than most people do.
No, I am not guessing. Got it from her mouth and body language.
Does any of this fit your situation or help N.
Right now I am in with-draw or not giving mode. It is difficult but a necessary step. I am still doing basic things for and with BB.
This is a difficult thing to do coming from a background of the more you work, the more you get. That works in a business world where there are short-term contracts, that if not adhered to, anyone can move on.
In long-term contracts, the starting and stopping points are not as clear. You might say so and so is short here but I understand why and play this out till the situation becomes really out of balance. Then what do do you do?
i was happy that i stood my ground on this one. .... she realized where i was coming from because she made it clear where her attention was devoted once i started up the conversation Do it more and maybe you two will gradually solve some problems.
