I am going to have to learn the fine line of not expecting something in return or stop giving so much... that will just be a part of my growth process
the, "i want what i want, when i want it" has always been a part of my personality - can not hide that or say any different. and i am not placing blame, but for the fun of it - its my parents fault - hehe. i guess some of it has flourished as i changed - not that this was a good change, it was just something that happened during the course. the intensity i showed in situations picked up.
i would like to think this is not about control... its just about me getting a better understanding of my needs as I have grown as a person. yes, my viewpoint has changed as i have changed. i just look back on that and say it was a natural progression that has occurred as i have aged. i am sure part of my problem was thinking that my new body would cure some of what ailed us, when in reality it didnt. it just made me a bit more self-centered in the sense that, i thought: i am young and i feel that all of this is a physical issue (easily cured by what i did), whereas now i am finding out a good bit of our problems were a combination of physical, emotional, spiritual deficiencies. i also realize the physical portion is the last to fix itself - so again, me needs to learn patience
i would agree that some/most of my complaining is coming from me changing and not seeing any change on her part. there is no one to really blame on this, at least right now. but i agree that in order for the M to grow, both parties need to change, and change together and i guess that is where a fear comes in - that we are growing apart.
i had plenty of chances when i was younger, which is kinda why when we met, i knew i was ready for seriousness. I didnt just pull my older women mentality thing out of the air - hehe. as time wore on i felt she was the right one, things were going pretty well and we worked extremely well together. a lot of my success personally and professionally i owe to her.
again, thanks for the insight and lecture (relax, i know it wasnt a lecture - hehe).
