Let me ask you this...you say "in the earlier part of your R" things were better. Well...how long did that last? Very often our R's are different intially and the "honeymoon" stage of the R lasts for awhile...sometimes a couple of years. There's that time of newness where things are still quite exciting and we are busy discovering the other person in many ways. That initial time of the R is not necessarily an indication of how your R will remain over time, and with other influences introduced to it (such as children, work, and daily stresses of dealing with both). I'm sure you are aware of this.
Lets face it Andy, with time people become comfortable with each other...the newness wears off and the R matures. It sure would be nice if we could all keep the excitement of the honeymoon period, but well....that's not realistic.
In the early days communication doesn't really seem to be such an issue...but it sure becomes one down the road as your relationships mature and morphs. Something I'd like to share with you that I've learned over the last couple of years is that...what I thought I wanted in my M was in reality a pre-concieved notion of what I thought it should be. I still don't have in my M the things that I started out thinking I needed & wanted at the beginning of this process (we still don't boink like bunnies LOL).....BUT....my M is in MUCH better and happier place than it was, even with our occasional speedbumps that trip us up. It took me letting go of trying to change my H though, and to be honest...I never thought I was trying to change my H....but I was (and so are you). I had to work on myself, I had to let go and truly work on accepting my H for the man that he was/is...right now, today. Let me tell you, that is a difficult thing to do. You aren't ready to do that at this point, you still resist that and still end up focusing on your W, and believe me...I understand why you do too LOL. Eventually though, you may find yourself at the place where you can drop the reins so-to-speak. To get to that place though, you are going to have to work on your patience, empathy of where your W's perspective may be coming from, and brutal honesty with yourself about your wants/needs/motives. Let me tell ya, that's not easy homework either, but you'll be amazed at the growth you will experience through this process.
My H and I have gone through some pretty rough patches (even just this year) and I have truly had to step back and examine myself pretty closely....my motives for wanting change, my happiness with myself, my expectations of my M, and what REALLY makes me happy in my M. It was quite shocking to me to learn that those things I thought I wanted/needed...weren't what truly ended up making me happy in my M. I know that may not make any sense whatsoever to you at this point....hopefully someday soon it will though.
Sorry this post has ended up so long, but my main point behind it is...I notice you bring up "in the early years etc"....and wanted to point out that you shouldn't focus on that. You will never regain those years, focus on NOW. What you had back then can never be again because you two are no longer those young people...but you can have something so much better, much more satisfying than you realize.
