I think many people here have told you that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing, but expecting different results.
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I guess my fear in all of this is: Not only am I changing who I am, but also how I am acting.. maybe not permanently, but at least temporarily as I help my W through a difficult time (in a sense). Changing is not the fear, its the fear in me changing in HOPES that my W turns around into the partner that wants to share the same experiences as me -- its the I am walking by a huge cliff without knowing where it ends. if she doesn't eventually change, then I am going to fall hard and fast.
Yes, you would be changing who you are and how you act... whether that is viewed as a positive or a negative is strictly up to you. What you are dealing with is a simple law of physic: cause and effect. If you don't like the effect you are getting, ya gotta change the cause.
I wouldn't hide the book from her, either. It's a free country, last time I checked. Doesn't mean you have to shove it down her throat, doesn't mean she has to read it, doesn't mean she has to LIKE it. I wouldn't hide your concerns about your SL, for then you are not being honest... but you CAN rethink how you choose to discuss it... and discuss it in "I" terms, rather than "you" terms. Not... "I'm looking for different ways to turn you on so I can get you over your problem..." Uhm. No. More along the lines of... "I'm dissatisfied with our sex life and I want to see if there is something I can change about me that might help." Or something like that. You leave HER out of it.
If she goes ballistic on you... that's her problem. If she goes ballistic on you, I'd say it's because she knows there is a problem and she just doesn't want to deal with it. Problems don't go away by avoiding them. It's great that she thinks everything is perfect. You don't. That means that everything ISN'T perfect.
So while I do not think you need to talk it to death and always have it in her face... I don't think you should avoid it either. You need to make it clear to her that it is an issue that won't go away...
And like I said... the whole process of male/female attraction I think is very important for you to understand. Maybe Blackfoot can give you reading references or tips or something... dunno. You'll have to ask him.
Keep the faith, and don't have kids until you feel the issue has been resolved.
