Well, now I would see this as instance where BF might tell you to 'lead.'
Your wife, like many women... has a sensitivity to what I'd call... uhm... naturual body fluids, natural body odor... GBI... or 'genital/body ick."
You keep shooting yourself in the foot because you keep asking... 'but, why, WHY are you LIKE this? This is NATURAL, you even begin to respond, I am your husband, you should WANT to do this with me...'
Okay, ya gotta stop this right now, just right now, because it isn't getting you anywhere. As a matter of fact, all it is doing is sinking you further and further into a hole.
Number one, your wife is still stuck in Romance Novel mode. In the romance novels, they only talk about being swept away, they don't talk about sexual exploration and a girl learning how to accept her body and womaness so she can become a PARTNER in the R, not a princess.
In other words, your wife does not yet realize that she still needs to sexually grow up. You can help her do that by giving her a feeling of safety and SLOWING WAY THE HE!! down. Your wife is not physically/mentally aroused enough to get over her fear of GBI, and you are not helping.
Meaning... you are diving way too soon. I don't know why men do this... I guess because they think the clitoris and vaginia are the woman's pleasure center, and that is where it must all start... after all, that is how is works with a man and his penis. A woman is not built like a man. Though the female genitalia does contain our pleasure center... this is NOT where the beacon is turned on... so to speak. (Unless we are really horny and just want to rip your clothes off, but I digress).
A woman's pleasure (at least with us LD types) begins outside the bedroom. And BF can tell you all about this. The whole process of attraction. It's a vital first step.
Once that has been accomplished, a woman like your W I think would benefit from extended foreplay, especially with her breasts and non-erotic zone touching. No pressure. In a word... teasing the he!! out of her. I would recommend you get the book Peace Between the Sheets (i know, group <eye roll>) and READ it. I am not advocating non-orgasm sex to you... but what is in that book, and some of the processes it describes is absolute phenomenal for women like me and your W who have vulnerability issues. I don't have GBI, but I used to. I got over it. I still have vulnerability issues, and my fear will kill my sex drive faster than anything.
So remember, where fear is presnet, your hands and mouth will NOT be.
You have to get your W turned on enough and revved up enough that she is willing to step past her fears... and she won't do it all at once either, so keep THAT in mind.
I don't know why your W fears, I don't know why vulnerability becomes an issue... but it is... and you asking her WHY, or getting mad at her about it is not going to help your cause, believe me. It will kill whatever trust and faith she has in you, and then the two of you are REALLY going to have a problem.
No, none of this is fair to YOU. Yes, it sucks that YOU have to be the one who experiences frustration while your W decides if she has it in her to grow up. She will gradually move beyond her GBI if you consistently arouse her, let her experience success with her arousal, and becomes comfortable with it. Then you take another baby step. During this time, you have to mix in Blackfoot's understanding of m/f attraction dynamics.
Perhpas GGB can tell you what he's done with his wife with EC encounters, cuz for awhile he was getting it twice a day with his wife (and they've been sidetracked by other things recently...)
They key, in my mind, is your W has to feel there is no pressure to perform, or she is going to derail both of you.
Well... okay.... is all that clear as mud? Peace Between the Sheets friend. Read cover to cover, and even if you disagree with 98% of what is in the book, we have common ground to apply some of its principles in ways that YOU will enjoy.
