Your post made me wonder if you are experiencing something with your W that I did with my H....assumption of what you were going to say or do.
My H has a HORRIBLE habit (although he's working on this) of assuming what I will say, assuming what my reactions will be...and assuming what I may do. Often, very often...he's wrong in his assumptions.
I wonder...if your W is assuming that if you do/say x....then eventually you will do y....which has to lead to z...and she doesn't want z.
This is one reason the communication between my H and I was so bad for so long...he would assume things without ever giving me the opportunity to react in my own manner. Basically...he was projecting his experiences with others onto me (which was entirely unfair).
We are both now learning to clarify things. I know your feelings were hurt when your W said "no"...but did you ask her why she said no? Did you clarify with her what line you had crossed...or that she thought you might cross? If you didn't you might try that. I find clarifying things really helps.
