Ok.... So I have continued to think, probably my worst enemy in this entire mess I find myself in. One or two questions I continually ask throughout is:
1. Is it wrong for me to want to experience things w/ the woman I love and want to feel the same desire/need in return?
2. If I do not get a sense of the same committment, which is where I am at, do I throw in the towel and look elsewhere? (Not my style, which is why i am here)
3. What would it take to feel that sense of committment? I am not 100% sure, but I can say that it would be nice from time to time to hear sweet nothings for no reason (I am the one doing this), it would be nice for the W to come up w/ something different, it would be nice to hear some deep-dark desire and fantasy of hers.... after all, i like to talk about them and share w/ her

Right now, I feel like if I want this to work I am going to have to sacrifice what I want. Yes I know that is selfish, and please don't take this out of context. I say it this way because I sit there saying that knowing that there is a level of fulfillment that will never be obtained with things in its current state; that is where the unhappiness comes from. I am not saying I can not be happy w/ what I have, I am just saying that I am unhappy because I am still learning how to accept that there are things in life you just can't get, no matter how bad you want them. I have always been told, if you work hard enough, there is no reason why you cant have what you want. I apply that to every aspect of my life, its my personality.

Yes, part of that is my problem because I am choosing to react this way... I am choosing to not accept this is how it is going to be. I am just having a very difficult time getting past this. Why? Because this is something that is important to me, so i apply what i know to try and make it happen and it is not - so there in lies the frustration

Ok... one last rant -- i am jumping all over! anotehr thought i had was this. even if there was resentment everywhere and all this is happening because of the resentments... how do you get past it? Obviously, this situation goes like this (i heard and read about some of this scenario play out):
W: I am not doing that til you do x,y,z
H: I can't do that til you do x,y,z
So its like a stalemate. W wont give in until H changes. H won't change for fear the W won't follow thru or do.... or vise-versa. either way, i look at it as a stalemate w/ no where to go....

ok - i am confusing myself since i am all over the place. i forewarned ya that it was a rant