By going thru the process of rebuilding my physical self, I instilled a sense of confidence, accomplishment, intensity, focus, etc. that has had an impact on every area of my life.
If you W does not have good self esteem (just a guess on my part, but one I’m willing to bet on), then I can understand her letting herself go physically. So when you get into shape, she feels even worse about herself.
... and because i felt unbelieveable towards myself and how we did work together as a team I felt the need to want to share more w/ the W. Unfortunately I wanted to share so much more physically and well, she didn't - thats how it came across
Or maybe she felt left out and that you were changing from the person she married, into someone more self centered. Instead of reflecting back to her the affirmation she needed, you began to ask her to affirm you. She was left out. She needs you to re-enmesh with her and give her the acknowledgement and validation she needs. Then you two can start to both grow and differentiate together. Right now you are both tow little kids trying to show each other who’s toys are the best. You got a new toy, one-upped her, so she is on her pity pot.
Things are boring for me because I am trying, I am wanting, and I am not getting the same mojo (not the person, just the "thing") back that I feel I am putting forth. that is all i find frustating. I know, a bit petty - but that is it.
I would say that you are receiving plenty – giving from yourself to yourself, but you are NOT putting anything out.
i am a simple person that really does not ask for much... and if she does have any type of hangups, I honestly dont know what they are. i continually ask, i continually try to nurture things along, yet i am always getting things are great - dont want them any other way.
I think you ask a lot. If she did NOT work together as a team to pump up your male vanity, how would you feel? What if you were still skinny and out of shape and instead she worked out and got a killer bod, maybe some new boobs, how would you feel about the relationship then? What if you felt she was attracting attention from the guys? Would you be as gung-ho about your relationship then?
I’m not saying there is anything wrong with what you did, just maybe how you did it. I also see plenty of problems with your W, but the two of you are playing the game of switching who’s got the upper hand in the relationship (Schnarch had a name for this dynamic but I can’t think of it). Anyway, as one person goes up, the other goes down. Then it switches. You two are not sharing the field together. It is not level. You are one step above her and wondering why she feels left out. There is a power struggle going on and you two take turns feeling good at the expense of the other.
