Hey andy (personally, I'd call you "trog", short of troglodyte, cave dweller, but blackie beat me to it).
First of all, "ssm." Clues to its meaning abound...they are even on this very page...near the top. I'll wait while you peruse the page.

(hairdog taps his foot, listens to the muzak)

Of course, you figured it out! Another handy place to find out what some of the abbreviations mean is right here.

We tolerate quirks here, but not laziness. You came here for answers? You gotta work for it.

Now, let's get busy. Your standard conversation with your wife sounds a lot like the conversations I had with my wife beginning in about 2000 and continuing for about six years.

I wish someone had said this to me back then: starting off a conversation with 1) a declaration that you're not happy, and tying that unhappiness to 2)the direct cause of the unhappiness as 3)your spouse "neglecting" you, does not become any less of an indirect way of saying "Fark you, you frigid b!tch, and the ice dragon drawn sleigh you rode in on!" merely by prefacing the statement with the appelation, "Sweety."



What I'm trying to say is, when you open up a can of worms, be prepared to be eaten up by them, because, sooner or later, we all are.
Okay, I just read what I wrote and it's not as clear as I want it to be.

You told her you weren't happy because she wasn't putting out. She hears that, and immediately is going to get defensive. The rest of the convo doesn't really matter. You just can't start out that way. That's not a conversation, it's an accusation. You've also handed her the responsibility of making you happy. Not her job. Yeah, I know, but she married you, wives shall cleave and all that.

It doesn't work that way.

This is a big thing to try to get your mind around, but it is the necessary first step on this really crappy journey you're about to take. It might end up great, but it might not. However, I can almost guarantee you that the journey will be the worst slog through the muck you can imagine, complete with leaky uncomfortable shoes, and no end in sight for most of the way.

But before you take this crappy trip, you have to believe with all your being that she is not responsible for your happiness. Until you get there, you'll continue to replay the same fight, over and over.

Did I mention that the trip is really crappy?

One bright spot: this message board has lots of smart people who can be very helpful.

Hairdog