ok so you had 'killer quality' at one time. now the frequency is not that low, so that technically its not a SSM. or would you like that to be higher?
from your post, it appears to me that you want/need ideas on impoving your 'throw down' and or ideas for leading in the bedroom, or on the hiking trail to get more variety/quality.
Yes? If this is the case, then your power struggles and respect for each other are probably fairly even. it may be a simple matter of fine tuning and tweaking how you lead, and how you communicate.
i try and try and try and try, yet its the same ole same ole - same responses, same actions
hey look the definition of insanity. it also can feel like supplicating to the recipient
the romance, the trying, the allowing of SO to be the aggressor, me making the aggressive move, etc -- over a long period (months) and still no results.
yes pretty standard fare, and pretty standard confusion.
to get more variety/quality. 
it also can feel like supplicating to the recipient