««1. For walkaways you must understand theactions and behaviors that created the climate for the flight.
2.You have not only to change those behaviors but actually live them.
3. you can only control your actions
4. You cannot control the situation you are in but you can control how you react in it.
5 Anything you do or say through the process is remembered . NEVER SPEAK IN ANGER!!!
6. Become the man or woman your spouse would never think of leaving. The man or woman that all their freinds and support group would in times of crisis drive him/her back to you.
7. Listen and observe to every last detail from your H or W.
8. IF you are ever unsure how to act DONT.
9. When things dont seem to be going well redefine your short term goals.
10. Live in positive times, keep positive filters on.
11. Accept that it takes time.
12. Accept that no matter what the outcome YOU are a good person and you have done your best. at the end of the day we must live with ourselves.
MANDATORY DO'S
-Be patient, time is an asset even when it seems to be killing you.
-Listen carefully to what your spouse is REALLY saying to you.
-Learn quickly that anger is your enemy.
-Learn quickly to BACKOFF, shut up walk away when you want to speak out.
-Take care of yourself, Exercise, sleep laugh, and focus on all the other chances in your life that are not in turmoil.
-Be cool,strong confident and speak softly
-Know that if you can do a 180, your smallest actions will be noticed much more than any words you can say or write.
MANDATORY DO'S
-Do not be openly desperate or needy when you are hurting more than ever, and youare desperate and needy.
-Do not focus on your self when communicating with your spouse.
-Do not believe any of what you hear and only half of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because they are hurting and scared.
-Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel.
-Do not backslide from your hard earned changes.
Dont initiate any our realtionship (OR) talk, stop being so available, give them lots of time and space, stop expressing your interest so dramatically,establish independence again with style not in an angry or dramatic way, dont try to get in their head,if confronted with rejection dont take it personally, take the body blows smiling,
Workout,diet, get new clothes, haircut, and be happy when they see you.....»»
