Can anyone out there translate "Alienspeak" for me? The only languages I was offered in high school were French, Spanish and Latin...lol.

It's 4 AM when his alarm goes off. I'm laying there, in a sleepy fog, he squishes up against me and starts kissing my ear. ????? I ask, what are you doing (sleep talking - not my consciousness, although perhaps my subconscious?) Anyway, after saying it, wishing I could take it back. He mutters something unintelligible. I drowse, he keeps hitting snooze, finally gets up, showers, leaves.

Awake to email saying he'll take 2 older girls with him this afternoon to pick up my Explorer. My response: "OK".

Next email: "Even though they are my kids too, but since you have plans already, I would like to Take D7 and D3 to B's Sunday afternoon and camp in the trailer, just the 3 of us, D2 will be too much, and i wont be able to do anything w/ the other two. I'll bring their 4 wheelers, I need to do something like that w/ them before its to late"

Me: OK (This is different for me, normally I would ask details)

Next: Where will D2 be?
Me: Probably with me, my plans fell through for the weekend.

Then me, with apprehension, Was I having weird dreams again this morning or did you kiss my ear?
Him:I was having a weird dream, kept hearing you wanted me, I prob did that, I think I remember, sorry
Me: Don't be sorry. However, if there's ever a next time, make it count.
Him: What do you mean?
Me:Well, I think I asked what you were doing. Sorry if that was mean. I was in a sleepy fog and I didn't know whether I was awake or dreaming. I didn't want to make an ass out of myself if I was only dreaming. Had you continued and broken though my fog, well, my wall probably would have come down.
Him: (re: taking kids) Prob not this weekend, maybe next weekend, way to rainy and cold for the little ones, they will be sick for the 1st week of school
I'll fig something else out. I still cant figure out your last "Make it count email"
Me: ok....about the weekend.
My last email....hmmm, well, I would have liked you to do more. *I* would have liked to have done more back. I was mostly asleep and wasn't sure what was going on. And I get scared of you. And so, I do nothing and wait for YOU to do something.
These days I often think of anything between us as perhaps the "last". The last we'll do 'this'...or the last we'll do 'that'. So, I guess I want to make sure it's done right. If you're going to kiss me, don't stop with my ear.
And, yes, sometimes I need to be drawn out of my shell. Because I've gotten used to keeping a wall up between me & everything going on.
Don't know if this helps explain anything or not.

He finally leaves work and calls... Evidently the potential landlord wants to meet with us prior to deciding on renting. SO calls and asks me "Should I say OK?"
I say "OK."
He says "What's wrong?"
Nothing, why?
Goddammit what are you thinking? You need to tell me what you're thinking and what you want!!! (screaming at the top of his lungs)
I'm afraid to tell you what I'm really thinking.
You've always been like this - don't you think you need to start talking to me? My eyes are going to explode right out of my head from all this (Still yelling at the top of his lungs). I thought we agreed you need your own place.
I feel as though I'm just along for the ride. I don't think what I feel or what I want matters right now.
What do you mean along for the ride? Isn't this what was decided?
OK, SO.
What do you mean, OK??????
OK, it will be fine. I just worry about the amount of the rent.
Why? I'm paying the rent. You'll need to get a job ASAP and you'll only have to worry about bills and diapers.
OK, SO.
End of convo - cell breaking up.
Then, text:
What the hell, NM?
I text back I'm sorry to have angered him. That this is what he wants and what I feel doesn't matter right now.

It's taken every ounce of my being to state I'm not comfortable moving into this place. I'm not. The rent is way too high. I just don't feel as though I have a choice. I have no idea what HE really wants; plus I have no idea what I should do anymore. Everything seems so cloudy; no answers; I don't know which direction to go.

I feel if I state what's really going on inside me, he'll say I'm being difficult, causing trouble, etc. Actually, he's already said that. I keep it in, force him to make a decision - then he says I'm the same old NM and don't tell him what I'm thinking. He asked, "Now that it's down to the wire do you not want to go? Why not - I thought we decided on this?"

Sometimes it seems like he's begging me to say I won't go. But if I hint at that, he flies off the handle. Or, am I just projecting what *I* want to hear into what he's saying?

I'm so damned confused.