Guys, I don't know what to do. I am so emotionally wrecked, I can't think straight. SO went away for the weekend at my suggestion. Presumably with a MF. Well, SIL called and said the OW was there. OK whatever, but I lose it with him. Ugly scenes have occurred, complete with W calling here and speaking with me last night where I proceeded to tell her everything I knew. Now, remember, she called the cops on him last week, he broke into his mothers email and was corresponding with her as his mother.
Well, none of this matters - because I was so anti-DB and did everything that I shouldn't have. He's pushed me and verbally abused me to the point I feel like I am going to crack. Seriously. I can't take it anymore. I can't take any of this anymore and I don't know what to do.
He's due back here sometime this afternoon and I'm to the point that I want to put a restraining order against him - that's how bad all of this has gotten. I have no money to leave; my Explorer is broken and needs to go in the shop for repair (no brakes) - so I don't have a vehicle big enough for all 3 kids and me to go stay anywhere.
I fear when he gets back, he's going to verbally start in on me. He's reduced me to tears, to the point of hyperventilating this weekend - he's being cruel and mean and spiteful. He won't just leave me alone. And I don't know what to do or how to handle this. I've already pushed him back into the arms of OW; and that's fine at this point. I can not compete with his feelings that *I* am standing in the way of their happiness. Yes, that's what he's told me. And so did she.
I have an application in on a rental - but haven't heard anything yet. I am willing to move out - I've not tried to hamper that in any way - but he's still being emotionally vindictive. In the meantime, until I find another place to live so they can be "in love" with me "out of the way" - I can't take his physical presence anymore. Or the phone calls, or the texts, or him sleeping next to me in bed. I can't do it.
The restraining order will completely infuriate him. But I'm more concerned with my OWN sanity at this point. I'm so emotionally distraught, it's difficult even for me to care for the kids. As far as any R with him goes, I know now that I need to completely remove myself from his life or he will just continue to blame me for everything bad that he perceives that I'm the cause of.
I know no one can help me make this decision. But advice & opinions are desperately needed.
