OK, how terrible is this. SO is gone for the night and I am so relieved I don't have to deal with him tonight.
I'm sitting here wondering what MY problem is. I unsent the earlier email, with the thought that I was doing something good. Perhaps helping to "save" him or something- from being arrested, losing his job, looking utterly insane - who knows - but that was my thought when I did it.
All day I've been wondering - should I call his mom and question her? The email he sent said something about him having been admitted to a hospital when he was a teenager for psych problems. Something I never knew. I have no one to talk to about this. I'm afraid if I talk to his mom, she's a blabbermouth - I don't want it getting back to him until I'm ready for it. Nor do I want the rest of his family to hear it. At least not yet.
But, is any of this MY business? That's what I'm questioning. I see he took the rental application tonight when he left (for the house here in D7's school district). Do I just move out - wash my hands of all this whole mess??
Do I try and help him? Do I have some kind of co-dependent, must help everyone syndrome myself? Am "I" the crazy one for thinking he's in desperate need of help instead of seeing him as a lying cheating bastard and just walking away from him? Am I any better having snooped in the email account? And, he's not said one word about "us"...other than he's confused, doesn't want to make any of the decisions, and doesn't know what to do.....
Again, last night in our talk, I asked him "Do you love her and want to be with her?" He says no. I mean - he won't take me out; makes no promises about a future with me - but, oh yeah, he'll sleep with me. And still, when given every opportunity to admit to wanting to be with OW - he won't do it? Why not? Is he afraid to hurt me? But he knows I know what's going on. Is he afraid of looking bad to me? Well, duh. Is he really that confused? Or just a schmuck?
Then - there's our kids. I have to deal with this man for the rest of my life. As long as we share kids - there's no real way to have him out of my life completely. No matter whether I love him or not. Do I try and help for the benefit of our kids? Stop the interference (from today, is what I'm talking about) and let the chips fall where they may, knowing the OW isn't stupid and she's going to see "his" mannerisms (and spelling errors) in the emails he's sending? Perhaps he should be arrested and lose his job. However, that will ultimately result in me & the kids being homeless as I would never be able to afford the mortgage on our house (that is if I were to stay here.)
And that's another thing. Seeing how unstable things are (HE is) - do I continue to find another place to live??? Or should I stay put?
Again - is this is any of my damned business???????? I don't know who to talk to. My friends - they'll all say GET OUT while you still can. His mom - I'm terrified she's going to run her mouth. My family - they'll tell me to get out, too.
