Quote: Yet, regarding all this, this is the 2nd morning I've woken up to SO having away messages on his screen name that are directed at OW. One's that are sad and sappy, quoting blue song lines.
I'm about ready to send him an email that I've seen them and he can shove off. I mean, I'm not snooping, he knows he's in my buddy list, for pete's sake. And it makes me feel like crap and it makes me really, really PO'd.
Ok, here's the thing. I KNOW it's early in the "reconciliation" if you can even call it that, but he DID say he wanted to come home, be with you, clean up all the crap, etc, right? So if that's the case, if it's been made clear to you what his overall intentions are, why can't you just be open and direct about it.
You said it required no snooping on your part so I have to assume either he didn't care if you saw, or is a total idiot (sorry). In either case, can't you just tell him that you believe he wants to be with you and make things right, and you want the same things and are willing to wait for some of it to happen but these kinds of communication undermines even the beginning of "working on things" and ask him why he's still doing it in light of his recent convos with you?
I KNOW he is all over the place lately but I think OT told me something once (BTW, wonder if we have a little OT yet?) that really made sense to me once I heard it, but I didn't understand before at all. Once that line was crossed, where the WAS expressed clear intentions to recommit to the marriage, then the door was once again open for more direct expression of the LBS's feelings.
I know your first instinct is to just tell him to shove off, but what harm would it do to simply AND nicely ask him what's up? Who knows, maybe he will have something to tell you that is different from what you imagine is going on, and better than that, maybe, JUST MAYBE, you will believe him.
I can't promise miracles, but in watching Emily go through her sitch, constantly on edge about whether or not to trust her H, I realize more and more that at some point, it truly doesn't matter. If they are going to be a$$holes, then they are, if not, well then it behooves us to not treat them like they are guilty of a$$holism before we know all the facts.
NM, you have come so far and are so strong. I know you've been through a lot with this man. All I ask is that you give him a chance (ok, like the 1343th chance but who's counting...) to answer for his actions in a way that a RESPONSIBLE, COMMITTED PARTNER should, even if that commitment is only a few days old.
If I am off base, so sue me, lol. Just my opinion.
