Quote: Yeah that's how it seems. She's tapped out and proud of it. I suppose that's what gets my goat, the pride and bragging about her disconnectedness with her kids, while also simultaneously bragging about us.
I think there are a lot of reasons why she might behave in this manner. She might put a high priority on not being intrusive. She might not like your H or your in-laws and therefore not want to involve herself further in relationship or competition with them on issues involving the children. Being grandmotherly might make her feel old. If she has older batches of grandkids she might have already burnt out on grandmotherly activities. She might actually be refocusing her energies on finding a new mate (Maybe you inherited your HD from her-LOL) and psychologically can't mate and nest, even at one remove, simultaneously. Maybe your kids are all at an age younger than the kid age she prefers and she'll start spending quality time with them when they're 10 and more like young companions than babies.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Nah, Jenny, none of those scenarios is ringing true. She has 16 grandchildren, teenagers down to a newborn and doesn't have time for any of them and really never has. We spent *loads* of time with my grandparents as children and loved it (as all kids do) so I feel sorry for my own kids. She told me once that she doesn't do much (anything) for me because I "have a good husband and she didn't". That is supposed to explain why her parents helped her in ways that she is unwilling to do for me, such as babysitting when I have doctor's appointments or driving me to the airport or attending my kids' Christmas pageants, etc.
Up until now, I sorta held out hope that the real reason she was like this was because she didn't want the kids around my dad's drinking--I didn't either. But he is gone now and I see that as a bit of wishful thinking. She hasn't slowed down on her grandiose vision of herself wrt her career and still has no time for us, really. However, she is making noises about perhaps getting another job and so maybe that will allow her to refocus her priorities.
My parents cannot for the life of them understand why I would have more than two. I haven't told them about #4 yet and won't until I am fairly certain that he/she will be a reality. I didn't tell them about our fertility treatments nor my miscarriage. It is weird because we are very close and they adore and spend a lot of time with the kids. I think that they believe too many kids drains too much of my personal and marital time and that they would like to see me have more time to myself and more time for H and I. We have a totally different lifestyle than they (we are much more kid oriented) and they think it is weird.
I find it interesting that you say all kids love to spend time with their grandparents. Ummmmm...my brother and I are an exception to that. My mother's parents weren't comfortable around kids at all....and both of them were unapproachable to both my brother and I as children, we hated visiting with them....HATED it.
My Dad's mom....well, there's a reason she's referred to as "grandmartyr". My father never had a good/loving R with his parents and well....honestly while I did quite a bit for my grandparents....that's another R I would definitely not refer to as "Loving". My grandmother makes it very hard for you to even like her. My grandfather OTOH I do remember quite fondly, he was a very non-judgemental type person (in my eyes)....but never said much and was never physically affectionate. I don't ever remember even being hugged by him.
My brother and I (sad to say) truly didn't look foward to the times that we spent with our grandparents. I would say that I never really had any type of an R with mine....until I became the person who was responsible for their welfare in their declining years (my other grandparents died while I was still young.)
In some ways I envy those people who looked forward to grandma & grandpa visiting. Fortunately, my parents and my H's parents are much more approachable and fun for our S! GEL
Lassie, Yeah I guess that was a bit of an overgeneralization wasn't it. Truth be told, both of my grandmothers are, shall we say, difficult people. Not your typical grandmas.
I certainly don't expect my mom to try to be some gray haired lady in spectacles baking cookies with the kids but it would be nice to have the option to count on her when I need help, as all mothers of young children sometimes do. (is this last generalization fair? )
HP, I know from where you come regarding the parents. Mine pretty much announced when the first of their grandkids came along that they were done with kids (they have 18 now). Sure once in a blue moon they've come and stayed with us when MrsGGB was incapacitated due to surgery, but they've never offered (and have pretty much said that it isn't an option) to take the kids for a weekend so we can get away. Mom doesn't seem to care much for kids. Dad likes them, but can only take them in very small doses, then he goes and hides. MrsGGB's parents are F'd up, to the point where she hasn't talked to her father in 17 years, and refused to attend her mother's funeral (Mom was a manipulative alcoholic and did her darnedest to try to break up our marriage) No FOO issues there My siblings are spread across the continent, so they aren't much support either. Anyway, I envy all the folks we know that have a family they can leave the kids with for a weekend, or that they can go visit without it turning into a weekend of praying the kids won't get into anything (Mom refuses to childproof, or even move fragile stuff away from where it is a temptation/target).
) 
My siblings are spread across the continent, so they aren't much support either. Anyway, I envy all the folks we know that have a family they can leave the kids with for a weekend, or that they can go visit without it turning into a weekend of praying the kids won't get into anything (Mom refuses to childproof, or even move fragile stuff away from where it is a temptation/target).