Lass, I finally got off my backside and scheduled that date for Friday night. H was thrilled. Today, I have two kids with fevers so it may or may not happen. THAT is so indicative of my life, I could scream.
My hair loss has slowed down, thank goodness. I think Lillie nailed it with the stress-induced articles she posted. As far as potential hormonal whackiness, I don't know. The only symptom(s) I have are fatigue and my sex drive is down. My physical desire is hardly there and I almost *need* H to stimulate me to feel desire--NOT that I've told him that. Cripes, we'd never have sex again, so sensitive is he to whether or not I want him. I have never felt like this in my entire life but it's totally possible that it isn't hormonal and is mental/relational in nature. We still keep up a reasonable frequency but the tone has changed because I'm not into it until we're already, well, into it. It's WEIRD and I empathize with anyone whose body is like this all the time.
On the communication front, we are making big strides. I have been after H to communicate directly with me forever. I absolutely hate his style of communication. It is indirect, alot of hinting, speaking obliquely, expecting me to read between the lines--all in the name of being polite, of course. He honestly believes that this style of speaking is less offensive than being direct. To his ears, stating directly what he needs--with manners, even--is brash or bossy. He doesn't see that his own style is even worse, it's self centered...expecting that everyone in the world is hanging on your words SO much that they have the time and inclination to dissect your oblique references and figure out what you need. Here's an example:
MrH: (standing on a ladder) This would be a lot easier if I had a flat head screwdriver. HP: Are you saying you want me to get the flat head screwdriver? MrH: Well, yes!! HP: Oh. Next time just say Yo honeypot would you hand me the FHSD please? and I will jump up and get it. MrH: Why wouldn't you do it if I said it the first time? HP: Because you're assuming that I'm sitting here hanging on your every word, ready to figure out what you are *really* saying. Also, where are the manners and graciousness in the way you said it? MrH: Whatever. Just get me the SD.
So I did.
Later he did it again and I requested again that he ask me things directly. Actually, this has been going on for a couple years but he just recently is inquiring WHY I want him to speak this way. So later in the day he pops off with this: "Honeypot, would you hand me that box of screws?" Sure, dear, I replied and then he beamed at me and said, Didja notice how direct I was when I said that?? So I heaped on the praise and thanked him for making an effort to do this.
It eases my life SO much to not have to be captive to 'reading between the lines'. I'm so busy with my kids, they are so loud and chaotic that there's simply no way I can be tuned in to his vague statements and whether or not they are a veiled request. Even before we had kids, I wasn't so good at this, to tell the truth.
I asked him later on to put himself in my shoes and imagine that *I* was the one who made vague statements that may or may not contain a request and he primarily pleased me via mind reading...how would he like it. Oh gosh no, he replies. I'd hate that. I'm no good at figuring women out. !! So anyway, we are finally making strides in our communication with each other. I cannot believe how long it takes for these deeply entrenched behavior patterns to change and how much repetition is involved. That is, *every time* he makes a veiled request, I reply "Are you asking me to xyz?" and he will say "Uh, yes, that's exactly what I'm asking you." and it reinforces in his mind how I prefer to communicate. I used to make requests of him and get resentful and pissy if he didn't do it right the very next time.
For myself, I continue to work on being feminine and girly and appealing to that side of him that wants to be my hero. He really IS my hero and I admire him more than any other person I know, but letting him know that hasn't always been my M.O.
