I've been thinking about your question, cobra, but I really don't know how to answer it yet. My bf and his mom are enmeshed, but their R is like a parent-child, with him being the parent and her being the ditzy adolescent. He tends her, takes care of her, bitches at her, loves her, cleans up her messes. She leans on him emotionally a lot. He doesn't lean on her that much. He does protect herself from her tentacles. More later.
